If They Call It Football, I Will Watch It (Part 2)
It's Football Week at SportDork.com!! It's actually football week every week at SportDork.com, but I needed a theme, so there it is. Tuesday's entry was all American Football (which, by the way, shot SportDork subscriptions up by almost 15% (from 7 to 8)), but today it's time for The SportDork to tackle European Football - also known as a) the beautiful game, b) soccer, or c) the sport that most Americans refuse to watch. Well, if you're one of those Americans who fall into category 'c', don't give up on today's entry and head off to your second favorite website just yet. Why, you ask? Because The SportDork is about to take you on a behind-the-scenes, one-of-a-kind journey into the world of European Football. By the time you get to the end of today's entry, your mind will have been so totally blown by the majesty that is the most popular sport on the face of the earth that you will never think of "football" the same way again. (Or not. But either way, now you have to keep reading.) For weeks now, I have teased you with the prospect of a full-blown report on my first English football experience, only to preempt my report with photo-shopped pictures of Phil Fulmer and rants about Lee Corso and Lou Holtz. But no more, my loyal SportDork readers. Today, I am ready to take you on "The Journey." Actually, the truth of the matter is that I needed time to let the experience sink in and wash over me (wait - are those mutually exclusive?) so that I could do it justice - and time to crop and re-size all the pictures.
A few weeks ago, one of Mrs. SportDork's co-workers was kind enough to extend me an invitation to watch Liverpool play Toulouse in an English Premier League ("EPL") mid-week match at Anfield Stadium in Liverpool. For those of you who are unfamiliar, which I realize is just about everybody, the EPL is English football's equivalent to the NFL or NBA, and Liverpool is the most successful club in the history of English football. EPL teams not only play other EPL teams during the season to determine the EPL champion, but they also play premier league teams from other countries to determine the European champion. Toulouse is a French football club that plays in France's premier league, so this was a qualifying match for the European Cup.
Anybody still there?? I know - if you wanted a detailed understanding of the inter-workings of European Football, you'd look it up. Back to The Journey. Mrs. SportDork's co-worker, along with a couple friends, are Liverpool Football Club season ticket holders. Unfortunately, it's about a four and a half hour drive to Anfield, which makes attending mid-week matches tough on those who suffer from full-time employment.
Enter The SportDork.
When I realized I was looking at about nine hours in the car, I had a moment of trepidation, but then I thought, "Do it, SportDork - for the readers. Do it for the tens of thousands of - well, the tens of readers who can't be here to experience this kind of event in person." So I canceled all my plans, which to that point included refilling our five ice cube trays and doing one four-hour load of laundry, and it was a go. I was provided with a dizzying array of Liverpool materials the week before the match, such as the 2 Disc Collector's Edition of the Liverpool Football Club's triumph in the 2005 European Cup and lyrics for all of the Club's songs. These materials were provided to allow me to hone my knowledge of the team and its history, as well as to prevent my getting beat up when I wasn't singing along properly.
When match-day arrived, I began my preparations by assembling my patented intestinal distress sports kit, displayed below.
The kit contains Immodium Advanced (bottom left), Prilosec (bottom right), Maximum Strength Gas-X (middle) and sunglasses (fairly obvious). The sunglasses actually have nothing to do with intestinal distress. They just look cool. This kit has been developed through years of fieldwork and has served me well throughout hundreds of sporting events. Its genesis is based on one universal truth: You do not, under any circumstances, defecate in a stadium men's bathroom.
After an uneventful drive to Anfield (the highway rest stop included a Burger King and a Days Inn. Nice to see we have thrust our finest food and lodging establishments on the Brits. That's what we need to be known for - our highway rest stops) and a quick dinner, we headed closer to the stadium to do what you do before every football game - English or American. Booze it up! Here's a picture of the pre-match pub:
This is the largest bar I have ever been in. Every floor you see is the pub, and it goes back for days. There were thousands of people in this pub. I've sat here for five minutes trying to think of how I could possibly explain how big this pub was. It was really big.
A few libations and an hour later, we were inside the stadium, five rows behind the goal.
Amazing seats. I had to keep my head on a swivel to avoid being knocked cold by a couple of errant warm-up shots. You know how you know that you're getting old? When you get to your seat at your first EPL match, and you almost get hit in the head with a ball because you are so captivated by the condition of the turf. "Is it zoysia? Bermuda? Nope. Couldn't be - too cold here for warm weather grasses. Has to be fescue. But I've never seen fescue that thick and cut that short! How is that possible? Maybe it's not fescue. A blend, perhaps?" I really wish you could've seen it. It was flawless. I haven't been able to get it out of my head. Here are the turf dudes working it over before the game:
If I could get my yard to look half that good, we would be a shoe-in for Yard Of The Year. I've got to get my hands on one of those tools. I'll bet you that's the secret. I probably came closer to rushing the field at this moment than at any other time during the game - just so I could ask that guy where I could get one of those tools.
After I snapped out of my wicked case of turf envy, I noticed the first difference between English and American football. Five minutes before kick-off, there wasn't an empty seat in the stadium. Nobody hanging out in line for a "Superdog," no rampant A.D.D. cell phone activity - just everyone in the stadium intensely focused on the game. A very impressive, palpable electricity. There was chanting, singing - there were even some giant flags that are unrolled in the crowd and then passed over everyone's heads. I got this shot just as the flag was approaching:
Those two guys at the bottom almost got decapitated. Must have been staring at the turf.
Once the match started, we did what any group of guys from any country will do when left to their own devices: find inane and absurd ways to keep themselves entertained.
Somewhere around the middle of the first half, a spider took refuge on the jacket of the guy on the left in the picture. Rather than notify the gentlemen of the presence of the spider, or better yet, kill it, about eight of us sat there watching it to see if it might crawl inside his jacket (because what's more fun than watching a guy get bit by a spider?). Instead, it actually jumped from the guy on the left to the guy on the right (notice the arrow indicating the trajectory). Having witnessed that feat of athleticism, we were left to wonder what the spider would do next. Wagers were placed, because that's what guys do when the outcome of an event is in doubt - they bet on it. We all watched in awe as the spider then jumped from the guy on the right to the guy on his right. I was convinced that he could make it all the way to the security guard (circled), but before the spider could make me a rich man, it crawled up the neck of the third guy, he felt it, and the spider was summarily executed. Our group let out an audible moan. Game over.
This was followed by periodically antagonizing the technician pictured below, who ran by us no less than twenty times during the course of the game, with shouts of "Run, Forest, Run!!"
Notice the arrow indicating the technician's direction. Probably unnecessary, since the odds are low that he would be running backwards, but I just figured out how to change the color and size of those arrows in Paint.net, so I'm using them. Deal with it.
There were actually many exciting moments during the match. Below is a shot I got right before a corner kick.
Notice how everyone is looking toward the corner, but I am focused on the goal. That's professional coverage, folks. You're only going to get that at SportDork.com. But you already knew that.
Here's another great shot from The SportDork.
Look at that timing with the shutter! That's impressive. (It becomes even more impressive when you consider the number of beers I had before the match.)
As I mentioned earlier, Liverpool's opponent was Toulouse, a French club. One of the great things about playing a French team is how easy it is to distract them. Check out what happened when I yelled, "Who wants a croissant?"
I found that French teams also don't handle adversity very well, as illustrated below:
Midway through the second half, a maniacal, shiny alien lands on the field, takes out the French goalkeeper (indicated by the arrow), and what happens? While the Liverpool players (circled at right) are busy devising a plan to take him out, the French players (top left) turn their backs and retreat. Unbelievable.
Surprisingly, they were able to resume play after the invasion, but with that lack of fortitude and perseverance on the French side, you can imagine who won the match.
A decisive victory for Liverpool, and a birth in the European Cup.
I must say that I had a great time covering my first EPL match, and I hope I get the opportunity to attend many more. The intensity and electricity in the stadium rivaled or surpassed the atmosphere you find at any big-time college football game, and you're getting to see the greatest players in the world. It's like the atmosphere of a college game with the talent of a pro game - the best of both worlds. If only they had television timeouts every ten minutes so they could have people run onto the field and shoot t-shirts into the crowd out of those really cool t-shirt guns ...................................................
Alex,i appreciated the "soccer" report.You forgot to mention that a soccer ball is a ball while a football is not. your reportage brings back memories of my college days when we - sans TV - were grouped around the radio in the Chem lab to listen to the champion ship games. Thanks for the up-date pictures too. A word of warning don't get too close to the field at the end because the fans might get vicious when ttheir team isn't doing well.
Smiles, Wally
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Very interesting point regarding the "ball" aspect of the two sports. You got me thinking - does a ball have to be round? And if so, how do they get away with calling it football if the "ball" isn't round? So I went to dictionary.com and looked up "ball" to see what I could find. Very interesting. They seem to have managed to get around the issue by including a definition for ball that includes "a round or roundish body," which I guess would cover a football. They even mention football in that particular definition. Here is the link:
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/ball
Leave it to the Americans to figure out a way to get around the fact that a sport we call football doesn't involve a ball.
One of the other interesting aspects of my first English football experience that I forgot to mention in my entry is that there were no replay screens/jumbotrons anywhere in the stadium. I realized what a lazy fan I had become when, after the first goal was scored, I immediately started looking around the stadium to find the screen showing the replay. It's amazing how much more closely you focus on the action when you know that you're not going to get to see it again. Really increases the intensity and the focus of the fans.
I also failed to mention that it was a very peaceful, incident-free experience. From what I have been told, there are now very few "fan incidents" at EPL games, as it is something they have worked hard to eliminate from the league. Liverpool, in particular, is very sensitive to fan safety, as the club has been involved in two major tragedies involving fans during its history. There are still conflicting accounts of what happened and who was responsible, but here's some more information on those from Wikipedia:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heysel_Stadium_disaster
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hillsborough_disaster
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Since you've been gone....in case your slingbox missed the insanity that's been going on in the US (though I'm sure your slingbox gets plenty of action). This has been the entertainment over the past 2 nights.
1) Britney performed at the VMA's - chubby and wasted - I'll have what she's having!
2)Double-header Monday night football.
This country is definitely heaading in the right direction.
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It's the CSO of SportDork.com !!
Here is another perfect example of why you are CSO. In addition to satisfying your hefty SportDork responsibilities, you are planning an international wedding, and you still have time to watch the VMA's and a Monday Night Football double-header? Unparalleled time management skills.
The Slingbox has been getting its fair share of action, but I missed the VMA's. I have been all over the internet looking for a good report on it. I have attached a couple of accounts that line up pretty well with your assessment (as do the video and pictures). Britney - have anothah!!!
http://www.baltimoresun.com/entertainment/music/bal-to.spears10sep10,0,6447024.story?coll=bal-home-he
http://www.santafenewmexican.com/news/68258.html
Watching the video of Britney reminded me of the Miss South Carolina clip. Here it is for anyone who hasn't seen it yet:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lj3iNxZ8Dww
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see name. sounds like the game was fun though - seems like they have a great atmosphere at Anfield. did you sing along to you'll never walk alone? one comment: the European competition is generally referred to as the Champions League. according to wikipedia, it hasn't been called the European Cup since 1992/1993. i've actually never heard it referred to as that, but as you know i'm a fairly recent fubol fan.
speaking of the champions league, the group stage starts a week from today. you can buy any game online for $9.95.
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I knew it was only a matter of time before we heard again from out surliest commenter. Leave it to a Chelsea fan to make inflammatory comments. You are absolutely correct regarding the name of the European competition. I was confident you would point it out. Forgive me for taking editorial liberties, but for purposes of clarity and in order to avoid delving into even more explanation about how all the leagues operate, I decided to refer to the Champions League as the European Cup. I figured that would help distinguish it from the "English Cup", aka the EPL championship.
I did my best to chime in on "You'll Never Walk Alone," but my knowledge of the lyrics is still a little suspect.
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