Stay Off The Sidewalk
According to recent statistical reports I have received from our Chief Statistics Officer ("CSO"), it actually appears that we are getting new visitors to SportDork.com! Being the optimist that I am, and having great faith in my CSO, I have decided to accept this information as true. Therefore, I'd like to start off today's entry by welcoming all of our new readers to SportDork.com. It occurred to me yesterday that some of you visiting SportDork.com for the first time are likely busy professionals who may not have the time to work your way through the previous twelve entries and 15,880 words (more stats!) that have been spewed forth by The SportDork since our glorious launch last month. With our new readers in mind, I thought it might be a good idea to provide a brief introduction to the basics of SportDork.com. Here they are:
1) New entries are posted every Tuesday and Friday morning, usually around 9 am EST.
2) You can post a comment or view other readers' comments to any entry by clicking on the link at the bottom of the entry. All comments suitable for posting will be posted and will receive a response from none other than The SportDork himself. The "suitability" of a comment will be determined at the sole discretion of The SportDork. (Ah, the power. It is intoxicating.)
3) You can subscribe to SportDork.com by entering your e-mail address in the box on the lower left-hand side of the website under the words "Subscribe to Blog" and clicking on the "Subscribe" button. I am happy to report that none of my nine subscribers has reported receiving e-mails offering male genital enhancement products for sale after subscribing to SportDork.com, so cast away your irrational spam/identity theft/inappropriate-use-of-company-assets-leading-to-termination fears. I can't even see who has subscribed, which is a real bummer, because it has prevented me from sending them their free SportDork.com t-shirts.
This is a very exciting week at SportDork.com Headquarters. First, it's Florida-Tennessee game week, which always ratchets up the intensity around the SportDork household. As you might expect, I am deep into preparations. The lucky Gator t-shirt has been laundered and game day salsa ingredients have been procured. On the technology front, I upgraded my Comcast service back in Atlanta and increased my download and upload speeds to facilitate better performance from the Slingbox on Saturday, and I just upgraded to a cable box that records here at the flat, so I can tape the delayed broadcast of the game on NASN and break down the film Sunday morning. I am ready. I don't know if Mrs. SportDork or the Gators are, but I am. I have to admit that I am not particularly confident going into the game. Our defense is young and suspect, and we lost our best wide receiver. Allow me to digress for a moment. Can anyone tell me what Andre Caldwell is doing running around on the field in the third quarter of a game against Troy that was over at halftime? How many times do valuable players have to suffer injuries while playing meaningless minutes in a game that has already been decided before coaches figure it out? When the game is in hand, GET YOUR STARTERS OFF THE FIELD. I know Bill Belichick has lost a lot of support over the last few days over the whole "sign stealing espionage" deal, but I wrote him off last year when he did his best to keep the Patriots out of the Super Bowl by putting Rodney Harrison (currently of HGH fame) on the field for the team's last regular season game against the Titans, a game that was completely meaningless for the Patriots, only to watch him break his shoulder blade. Rodney was out for the rest of the year, and the Patriots ultimately ran out of gas against the Colts because they had no depth on defense and were exhausted. Nice move, Bill.
I hate to disappoint the SportDork Nation, but I will not be offering a prediction for Saturday's game. I don't want to cast any bad mojo on the Gators. I think we have our hands full with a senior quarterback and an inexperienced defense, and Tebow may try and force the action in his first big start, which could spell trouble. On the flip side, Meyer could out-coach Fulmer with his eyes closed, and it's a home game, so we may be able to pull it out. Who knows. I know this much - I need a Prilosec.
There is a buzz in the air at SportDork Headquarters for a variety of other reasons as well. Next week, in honor of our fourth year of wedded bliss, Mrs. SportDork and I are taking our first non-UK holiday. I don't know how Mrs. SportDork has made it through four years, but all I can say is, thank God she loves a project. We will be spending the week in Ibiza, a Spanish island located in the Mediterranean Sea. (Not to worry, loyal SportDork.com readers - entries will continue to be posted on Tuesday and Friday, even while on vacation, because that's the kind of commitment I have to the SportDork Nation.) You may also be familiar with Ibiza from watching "Wild On" on the E! Entertainment channel, since I have heard from friends that it has been featured on multiple occasions. According to Wikipedia, "The Island of Ibiza is most famously known for its summer parties, with thousands of people flooding in for the big summer club nights." It has garnered such accolades as "the undisputed party champion of the world," an honor which you may be shocked to learn The SportDorks were not aware of until after we booked the trip. That probably explains why we got such a great deal. After Mrs. SportDork divulged our holiday destination to co-workers, she received many helpful tips, such as, "Just be careful where you stay, because during the summer half the island is full of people waking up in their own vomit." Ah, I can feel the romance already.
So, armed with ample knowledge of our holiday destination, we will be packing up the Speedo and thong, as well as the glow-sticks and ecstasy, and heading to Ibiza to enjoy the soothing sounds of such DJ greats as Alfredo, Steve Lawler and Reche. I'm sure you already have all their work, but here is more info about these masters on the wheels of steel: http://www.ibiza-spotlight.com/night/djs_i.htm
Finally, as if my heart could endure any more excitement, we have just been informed that we are a mere week away from receiving our company issued car! I had my doubts that this day would come, but it now looks as though The SportDork will be set loose upon the unsuspecting drivers of England in the very near future. This actually leads me to the subject of today's entry (I knew I'd get here eventually). A few weeks ago, in preparation for this historic day, we rented a car so we could get accustomed to driving in the left lane, but on the right side of the car. We picked up the car from the Hertz office at the Gatwick Airport. (Note: An airport is not the ideal location to begin learning how to drive on the left side of the road. I have enough trouble navigating Atlanta Hartsfield from the right lane.) We had them throw in the navigation system, but it turns out that NeverLost doesn't work so well when someone has crammed what looks to be half a chocolate and cookie candy bar in the cigarette lighter, so we were forced to go old school:
It always feels more manly to use a map.
I found the two biggest challenges are 1) avoiding the urge to turn right into oncoming traffic and 2) navigating the roundabouts. Here I am after making it back to apartment successfully:
I found the two biggest challenges are 1) avoiding the urge to turn right into oncoming traffic and 2) navigating the roundabouts. Here I am after making it back to apartment successfully:
I just sat in the car for a few minutes fanning myself with the map. I couldn't walk yet. My legs were still shaking. Too many roundabouts. Mrs. SportDork is not pictured because she sprinted from the car as soon as it came to a stop and is in the bathroom vomiting.
What happens when you give two Americans a car for the weekend in England? Here was our first stop:
I've heard the Swedish Meatballs are awesome. Shannon wouldn't let me have any.
Halfway through the store, we came across the mother load:
I wanted to buy one, but Mrs. SportDork reminded me that if contributions to the SportDork Writing Chair Fund ("SDWCF") keep up at their current pace, in only a few short months we will have enough to put down a deposit on a chair that could be delivered as early as June of 2008. So I held off - for my readers. Look at the one that's circled. Man, that's a nice one. I bet it even has one of those levers that allow you to adjust the tension on the back of the chair. Those are sweet.
Where to after IKEA? There was really only one option - Time for a movie!! We went to see "Knocked Up," which just came out over here. I give it an 'A' for entertainment value. It's no classic, but funny enough to make me feel like I didn't get ripped off by going to see it in the theater. A couple of fun facts about the movies in England: Did you know that they don't have buttered popcorn over here? They have popcorn, and you can get it two different ways, but one of those ways does not include with melted butter product poured on it. There is one kind with some kind of toffee flavor, and another that just tastes like salted popcorn with no butter. Devastating discovery. I think we'll be renting DVD's from here on out. Also, in addition to previews, before the movie they show commercials. We watched about ten commercials before they got to the previews that come before the movie. I'm not sure how I felt about that. Has anybody read about Ben & Jerry's Climate Change College? They had a promo for it before the movie. Here is a link to the website: http://www.climatechangecollege.org/home.php
I am in complete awe of whoever came up with their corporate strategy. Whoever it is, they're not getting paid enough. Here is a company that makes ice cream, a product that contributes directly to your risk of developing heart disease, which, the last time I checked is the leading cause of death in the United States, getting us focused on global warming. Sheer genius. What better way to distract millions of obese Americans from the fact that the gallon of Chunky Monkey that they are digging into is significantly increasing the likelihood that they are going to keel over in the near future than by focusing on whether or not their kids' grandkids are going to have a planet to live on? How about focusing on the fact that they're not going to be around for their own kids if they don't stop slurping up the Cherry Garcia? Oh wait - that might not be good for sales. The cigarette companies really need to get on board with this technique. They could start a big campaign to educate us on all that they are doing to stop terrorism.
Where was I? Oh yeah - our first driving experience in England! This is a painfully obvious statement, but a car really puts you in a position to see a lot of stuff that you wouldn't otherwise come across. You don't appreciate that until you have been walking around in the same 3 mile area for a couple of months. Mrs. SportDork got this shot on the way back home from the movie:
That's right. Chicken - 6 exciting ways. Here are the 6 exciting ways:
I only have one question. What are they doing about global warming ?
I feel compelled to write my first comment to the ever expanding Sportdork.com the day before the UT-UF game. Nothing like using technology to start a little trash talk across an entire ocean. Alas, I wish I could start some trash talk but my alma mater happens to be coached by the previously referred to Great Pumpkin himself. So I am forced to invent the trash talk.
Because Mr. Sportdork may not have access to the pages and pages of information previewing the big game this weekend, I feel it is my duty to inform him of the late-breaking Friday morning developments:
1. Tim Tebow broke his leg in practice yesterday
2. Urban Meyer is suspended one game for videotaping Troy's defensive signals
3. Phil Fulmer will also be out for one game due to heartburn.
I figure these 3 late breaking developments will bring the line down to about even. Go Vols.
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In the interest of timeliness, I had to post this comment immediately. Any time a UT fan provides SporkDork.com with a joke that involves Phil Fulmer and heartburn the day before the UF/UT game, it gets priority status. I particularly like the fact that it looks like both us believe our teams will probably lose. That's confidence.
Go Gators.
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Did you truly believe we were going to lose to the Vols or just get a case of basic paranoia? Oh, in case you weren't watching, the Red Sox are up to their pre-World Series ways (CHOKE CITY). Damn it all. At least the Pats know how to find a way to win : )
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I am ashamed to admit it, but I really thought it was 50/50 that we would beat Tennessee. In fact, I had so much confidence that it was a toss up that I jumped all over the 7 1/2 points and placed a small wager on UT (perfectly legal here in the UK), which pretty much guaranteed that UF would win big. Of course, you of all people should appreciate the hedge bet. Not surprising that we go out the next week, favored by around 24, and win by six.
They televised all of the Sox/Yanks games from a week ago, so I got to catch the massive choke job the Sox did in the first game of the series. Good stuff.
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The Swedish meetballs are AWESOME. They make them special frozen so you can take them home with you if you can't eat them there (due to Mrs. SportDork issues). Hope Ibiza rocks.
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This is exactly the kind of critical information that I get from The SportDork Nation that makes you guys the best readers around. I will be using it to my advantage on our next IKEA trip.
The upcoming Ibiza Chronicles will thoroughly document the level of rockitude in Ibiza.
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Great win on Sat. A couple of more and I can start putting in my requests for tix for the SEC championship game in the Dome.
I tried to email the PWC account and was rejected. Have they cut you off?
I am thinking of being the offical "what's going on close to home" comment guys. In that vein Mr. Bobby Lieu and the Mrs. are officially open for business in Phipps. Cole and I went on Sat and purchased some fine treats for the pup. The store looks great and we wished him well. Serious guts to open a retail business!
Have fun in Spain. Those islands are the ultimate in decadance. When we were in Greece Mrs. Plenty of Time at Home to Cheat was annoyed about all the young topless girls on the beach. Not because she is victorian but because it made Mr. Jealous Workaholic want more time with her to burn off energy after all of the visual delights.
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I couldn't agree more. If we can get to LSU undefeated, things will look very good for a return trip to the Dome in December.
To my knowledge, I have not been cut off by the folks at PwC. Sounds like a blip in the Matrix.
We need pictures of the Lieus in action! I see a joint marketing campaign - buy your dog treats at SportDork.com.
I have nothing to add to your Greek vacation comments. I will let them stand on their own.
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Good idea on renting the car; less mileage on the Caddy. You did ship the Cadillac, right?
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I tried to figure out a way to get the Caddy over here, but ultimately was forced to leave it stateside. Considering that it is roughly twice the size of most of the cars over here, it was probably a wise move. It is currently in the able hands of a friend who lives in the Highlands. It was important to me to keep it in on familiar terrain.
I did forget to mention one thing about the car rental experience. Since it was our first outing driving on the left side of the road, we took out the really expensive full insurance package - the one that covers you for everything and has no deductible. I've never done that before. Creates some strange incentives. I had this overwhelming urge to run into something just so I could feel like I was getting my money's worth.
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