Birthday Suit
The end of The SportDork Vacation Entries is here! After a thrilling week in Ibiza, it's back to the grind. I managed to escape any food-borne illnesses and skin abnormalities during our stay, and we were not falsely accused of any crimes and detained by the Spanish authorities, so the trip has been officially logged in the books as a success. As you should know by now, I set the bar pretty low when it comes to measuring success. I still have a significant amount of ecstasy flowing through my system, as well as visions of hundreds of sets of bare breasts (the vast majority of which I would rather not have seen bare) bouncing around in my head from our days on Ibiza's beaches, so you will have to forgive me if this entry has a stream of consciousness feel to it.
The SportDork Production Team is currently hard at work sifting through the thousands of images that were captured during our week off, paring them down to a group that represents only the most obscure and uninformative of the bunch. As you can imagine, this is a time-intensive, exhausting process. It takes hundreds of hours to make sure The SportDork looks his best in each and every picture, particularly when most of the pictures involve me in some state of undress on the beach. Any of the SportDork Production Team members that can make that look palatable deserve a bonus. So, in order to give my people (that's actually just me) time to work over the pictures and to let the whole experience sink in, The Ibiza Chronicles have been scheduled for this Friday's entry. It's like adding sprinkles to the cupcake of joy that is a Friday.
Time for a few updates. First, to say that entries for the TSDBOWSC (The SportDork Bag O' White Strips Contest) have not been pouring in would be a vast understatement. I'm not sure which is more disconcerting - the fact that only two entries have been received to date, or that each of them guessed a number of days to completion that suggests that I will be applying about one white strip every other week for the next year.
I have given some thought to the limited number of entries received thus far, and my only explanation is that I have touched a nerve with the readers in sharing my White Strip struggles. In fact, one of the two entries I received tells the tale of another young man who fought the good fight against the White Strips, but he too lacked the fortitude to emerge victorious from his battle. I can't help but think that there are many, many others out there who have taken on the White Strips and lost, but can't bring themselves to talk about it, or even submit an entry, because they fear that too many horrific memories will come rushing back and take them to a place to which they had never wanted to return. Even the entry that shares the story of another White Strip failure is telling in that it was not submitted by the man who suffered the failure, but by his wife (who also happens to be my sister). How deep a scar must these White Strips have left when a man can't even bring himself to talk about it? So, rather than evidence of a complete lack of interest in the contest, I believe the limited number of entries simply reflect the sensitivity of the subject matter. A lot of people have clearly been cut deep by the White Strips. Either that, or guys just don't like to admit that they used a teeth whitening product because it's not manly.
When I saw the days to completion that had been guessed by the first two entries, I was fully prepared to express outrage and disappointment in today's posting, but then I realized that as I sit here today, I have yet to apply my first White Strip, so it might be inappropriate to express too much indignation (or any at all). I can only assume that my penchant for procrastination has made it into the public domain. Just know that you have provided me with extra motivation to prove you wrong (but apparently not enough to actually get me to apply the first White Strip). I haven't posted either of the entries, and do not plan to post them until after the deadline for submission of entries, which I will announce on Friday. Entries will not be posted until then in order to prevent others from employing some kind of crafty "Price Is Right" strategy where they guess either one day earlier or later than another entrant, thus screwing over the previous entrant.
It's time for The Earl Bennett Watch!! For some reason, back on September 11th in the Skin In The Game entry, I promised to keep you posted on Earl's Bennett's progress, so here it is: Earl, the stellar wideout from Vanderbilt University, has been hard at work attempting to eclipse a couple of SEC records. Earl now has 189 catches and is only 19 short of the SEC record of 208 catches. He also has 2,397 receiving yards, 696 shy of the SEC record of 3,093. An interesting aside - Both Earl and The SportDork had a bye-week last week. An unlikely coincidence, or just a secret obsession with Earl Bennett? You decide. (Let's hope that Earl has a few big games in him over the next few weeks, and we can put this whole Earl Bennett thing behind us.) A final moderately interesting aside - Vandy's last game was against Ole Miss. They beat Ole Miss 31 - 17. The Florida Gators just played Ole Miss, and only beat them 30 - 24. Go 'Dores!!
One thing that I conveniently failed to mention in either of last week's entries is that The SportDork recently celebrated another birthday. I was attempting to keep it under wraps, but given the number of very thoughtful birthday greetings I received from SportDork readers "in the know," I thought I would take the opportunity to thank everyone for their e-mails. It isn't easy turning 27 for the tenth straight year. I strategically planned my wedding to Mrs. Sport Dork for the day before my birthday to ensure that I would never forget an anniversary, so the trip to Ibiza conveniently killed two birds with one stone (or glow-stick, as the case may be). Before departing for our vacation, I got clearance from Mrs. SportDork to open some of my birthday presents. Here I am, the morning of our flight, donning my pre-vacation birthday presents:
Let's go top to bottom. First, check out the sweet Euro-style watch that I am peering at:
As far as I can tell, the trend is toward bigger and bigger faces on watches. This one is so big that other people don't have to ask me what time it is. They can just look at my watch from across the street. It actually set off the security alarm at the airport. My left bicep is sore from wearing it all week. This watch is so big Flavor Flav would be jealous. It's big.
Moving downward (and to the left), we come to my second present, the birthday t-shirt:
As far as I can tell, the trend is toward bigger and bigger faces on watches. This one is so big that other people don't have to ask me what time it is. They can just look at my watch from across the street. It actually set off the security alarm at the airport. My left bicep is sore from wearing it all week. This watch is so big Flavor Flav would be jealous. It's big.
Moving downward (and to the left), we come to my second present, the birthday t-shirt:
What's that? You can't read what it says? Here's a close-up:
Mrs. SportDork has quite a sense of humor. Do you know what they say about guys with big flip flops? They have big ears.
Now for the big birthday score - the messenger bag:
When you are a writer, you have to look the part. This bag says, "I could have bought an expensive leather briefcase for the same amount that I paid for this bag with faux tattered edges, but I did not, because I am a writer. You wouldn't understand." It also has plenty of room for all of my emergency prescription drugs.
And finally, no SportDork birthday would be complete without some brightly colored Gator gear:
Croc flip flops. A special thanks goes out to the in-laws for these beauties. I didn't even know they made these. Did I bring them to Ibiza? You bet I did. What do they say? They say, "I am an American, and the Florida Gators kick ass. You may have no idea who the Florida Gators are, my Spanish friends, but rest assured: they kick ass."
Coming Friday: I will be sharing pictures of some of my post-vacation presents (for no other reason than because I feel a strange compulsion to post pictures of stuff that I got for my birthday) and we will kick off the much anticipated Ibiza Chronicles. Rest up.
Happy belated Bday.
Sport Dork needs to do something about its poor google placement. If you search "sport dork" the site doesn't even show in the top ten. You have to search "sportdork" for the site to appear. Yes, the jealous workaholic plays around on google during long conference calls.
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Thanks for the b-day shout out.
SD Headquarters is aware of the lack of respect we are getting from Google, and our Head of Marketing is working with Google to remedy the situation. We need some more love.
Also, if you mention SEC Championship tickets again before the earlier of a) our last regular season game or b) us clinching the SEC East, you will be banned from this site. I hold and your SEC title game ticket talk partially responsible for our loss to Auburn. That and the fact that I forgot to wear my lucky Gator t-shirt during the game.
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You sound like the guy who gave me sh*t for calling Smoltz's potential no hitter in the second inning and relentlessly telling my kids each successive inning that they were watching a historic event until he choked and allowed a hit in the 8th.
The only thing better then the Gators in the SEC championship is the Gators in the Chick-fil-A bowl. I may put my request for tickets in now.
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Sorry about that - I've had a chance to cool down, and I realize that you had nothing to do with the loss - it was solely my fault for not wearing my lucky t-shirt during the game.
Speaking of lucky t-shirts, here's a quandary: I have decided to watch NASN's replay of the UF-LSU game on Sunday at 2:30 rather than stay up and watch it live on my Slingbox at 1am. I'm done with that. But here's my question - If I wear my lucky t-shirt during the replay on Sunday, will it really be able to properly work its mojo? The game is already over at that point. Or do I instead have to wear my lucky t-shirt to bed on Saturday night, so that I'm actually wearing it while the game is going on, even though I'm not watching it? Or both? I need some help on this one. I don't want to drop the ball two straight weeks.
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Alex-I think you are being very fair in the White Strips contest,but I am reconsidering my no. of days-I thought I was a big procrastinator (ask my tax guy-he'll agree) but I don't know-I may have underestimated the no. of days. And love the flip flops-I think a nice pedicure would complete the picture-Happy belated birthday! Mel
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Feel free to submit an updated White Strips entry. Although if you guess any higher than you already did, by the time I finish the bag, there is a good chance that the White Strips will be toxic. Then I can kick off the "How Many Days Until The SportDork Recovers From White Strip Poisoning?" Contest.
I'm glad you like the flip flops. I have received a few comments on that picture. One that my feet look "small" and another that they look "girly." For the record, I would like to mention that I wear a size 12, and that on multiple occasions female sales representatives have commented that I have attractive feet - for a man. I can tell you, however, that Mrs. SportDork is in total agreement on the need for a pedicure. I just haven't been able to bring myself to go. Maybe I need to go so I can get a picture for SportDork.com of me at the shop with my feet in water reading US Weekly.
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