Tales From Stonehenge, Part II

You're probably still wondering how my hand could be strong enough to support all of Stonehenge.  I can tell you, it wasn't easy.  My hand and my enormous right bicep were pretty sore from holding up a structure of that magnitude, but I still managed to successfully drive us from Stonehenge to Bath to take in some of the sights.

Bath is a beautiful city, but they sure pack 'em in.  Here is a shot of me (indicated by red-ish arrow) navigating the downtown area:




You can see that my attention was diverted to the left.  We made our way over to check it out:



The Pump Room?  Obviously, I was confused.  Is that kind of thing legal over here?  Mrs. SportDork assured me that it is a famous restaurant, but I have my doubts.

Before I could think of a good reason to conduct a thorough "investigation" of The Pump Room, Mrs. SportDork and I were at the Roman Baths, a famous historical site in the city of Bath that is considered the best preserved Roman religious spa from the ancient world:



The lady at the bottom of the picture didn't look too impressed, but I was ready to give it a shot anyway.

Let's talk historical exhibit strategy for a minute.  Like any good historical exhibit, the Roman Baths exhibit makes you wind your way through an endless number of pathways adorned with exhibits, charts, graphs and other items that contain a significant volume of text that you are supposed to read.  While one of the purposes of this information is to educate you about the historical significance of the exhibit, it is by no means the primary purpose.  The primary purpose, as any good historical exhibit goer knows, is to delay your arrival at the one cool thing about the exhibit that everyone wants to see, thus spreading out the flow of visitors so there isn't a mob scene at that one cool thing, which they always put at the end, because they know no one would pay any attention to the other stuff if they put the cool thing first.  In this case, the cool thing was the Great Bath.  Understanding exhibit construction philosophy, Mrs. SportDork and I did what you would expect any savvy exhibit goers to do - we blew past all the rookies reading endless volumes of text about why and how the Roman Baths were built in front of 10 x 10 foot plexi-glass windows containing pieces of the tools that might have been used to build the Roman Baths back in the day - you know, the weak educational stuff - and headed straight for the Great Bath, where the action is. 

There was one exhibit that we just could not pass by without taking a picture:



I have to say, I respect the full-frontal male nudity, since there is nothing I hate more than an inaccurate historical depiction.  Oh wait - that's right.  There is one thing: full-frontal male nudity.

Even the sight of bare male genitalia couldn't throw us off of our mission.  I swallowed the small amount of vomit that had crept into my mouth after looking too closely at the above exhibit, and we made our way to the Great Bath:



Quite a sight, but that water worries me.  I cleaned enough pools growing up to know that the Ph balance in that thing is a little off.  Maybe that's why the Greeks didn't live very long.

Mrs. SportDork noticed this on the way out of the exhibit:

 

It's a good thing the sign was there.  The inviting color, combined with the steam coming off of it, was enough to make me want to plunge my entire naked body in that water.

With all the steam coming off the water in the Roman Baths, I left the exhibit wondering what kind of environmental impact it might be having on the planet.  But then I looked across the street, and I knew I had nothing to worry about:



Thank God.  Ben & Jerry's has obviously strategically located themselves across the street from the Roman Baths so they can make sure that the steam isn't screwing up the environment.  The manager of this store probably graduated from their Climate Change College (see "Stay Off The Sidewalk", 9/14/07).  Those guys.  So noble.  And hey, if they happen to make a killing by selling millions of gallons of fat-laden ice cream to the masses in a high-traffic area while they're saving the planet, so be it.  We all know that profits aren't what they really care about.

We left the Bath downtown area before I could get arrested by ripping down the Ben & Jerry's awning, and spent the night at a local hotel.  We experienced our first five-star hotel since moving to England, although upon arrival, I just didn't get that five-star hotel feel:



Here I am unloading our luggage.  I find it a little disturbing that it looks like I'm the valet and that guy is the guest.  Maybe I need some new t-shirts.

In truth, outside of the self-service baggage removal, the hotel was great.  It didn't have air-conditioning, we never got our wake up call, and they asked us if we wanted a newspaper in the morning and then charged us two GBP for it, but it was still great.  Why was it great? 



The king size bed.  I would pay twenty GBP for a newspaper and unload other guests' luggage for a king size bed.