It's The Most Greatest!!! (Tales From Stonehenge, Part I)
When I titled Tuesday's entry, "Calling All Brain Cells," I must have been referring to my own. It seems that when I made reference to Arkansas' stupidity in kicking the ball out of bounds on its kick-off after it had just taken the lead late in the game, I wrote that all of this had taken place against Alabama. That would have been quite a feat by Alabama, since they were busy playing Ole Miss, not Arkansas, and they needed all of their players, as well as, from what I understand, the referees' help, to beat Ole Miss. Auburn was the one playing Arkansas and benefiting from their inability to direct a kick-off into the field of play. Even though I watched a replay of the game on Sunday when we got back from our weekend, and saw Auburn on the field, for some inexplicable reason I wrote that it was Alabama who played Arkansas, instead of Auburn. Fortunately, shortly after the entry's publication, I received a comment from none other than Nick Saban himself, informing me of the error and asking me to please refrain from mixing up Alabama and Auburn (see the "View Comments" link at the bottom of Tuesday's entry to read Mr. Saban's comments in full).
I quickly made the appropriate changes to the entry, so many of you may not have even seen the references to Alabama, but you can imagine how embarrassed I was to receive a comment from Nick Saban about the snafu. I was a little surprised to get a comment from the Alabama coach himself, considering that he's got his hands full trying to turn around a program that was once a national power, but having followed Nick when he was the head coach of the Miami Dolphins, I know that he prides himself on staying on top of all the details, and there are few greater transgressions than mixing up two bitter rivals. Just ask Mrs. SportDork - Whenever I hear Verne Lundquist refer to Florida as "Florida State" during a CBS broadcast of a Gator game, which is roughly ten times during the game, I lose my mind. So, Nick, I just want you to know that while I don't appreciate that you ripped the heart out of the Dolphins and left the entire organization in complete shambles, I do appreciate the severity of my error and that you brought it to my attention before I got six more comments asking me whether it was appropriate for a guy who doesn't know the difference between Alabama and Auburn to have a website named "SportDork.com." I hope you and any other readers who experienced a spike in their blood pressure upon reading "Alabama" instead of "Auburn" in Tuesday's entry will accept my apologies and remain dedicated readers. Roll War Eagles!!!
While I'm on the subject of sports, and before I get to "Tales From Stonehenge, Part I" (I swear there won't be more than two parts), I have a very exciting announcement to make. At some point in the next week or two, I am going to begin providing my NFL "Picks Of The Week." It may coincide with the big Dolphins-Giants game over here at Wembley Stadium. Or it might not. Either way, it's coming - so get ready. (That's what we call a 'teaser' in the biz.) Each week, I will provide you with my picks for a variety of NFL games (against the point spread, of course), with a full analysis of each matchup. I am beyond bad at picking games, so the idea here is that if you are wagering-inclined, if you read my 'Picks Of The Week' and then go out and do the exact opposite of what I suggest, you could do quite well for yourself. I will employ all kinds of innovative approaches to picking winners, including the "fatter coach" technique, which I learned from a legendary prognosticator. What is the "fatter coach" technique? Stay tuned for the first installment of The SportDork's NFL Picks Of The Week!!
Are you ready? It's time for Tales From Stonehenge, Part I !!
So, what do you do when you get bored while driving for two hours through the country on your way to Stonehenge?
Time for a family portrait!! I suggested, and Mrs. SportDork agreed, that driving on the left side of the road with the steering wheel on the right side of the car had become fairly elementary after logging upwards of ten miles on England's roadways, so we decided to spice it up a little. Hey - that's how you keep things exciting. I know I found it exciting when I looked up after the picture and saw the bus coming at us. Actually, there are so many traffic/speeding cameras on the roads over here that we decided we should get a picture of our own. The only thing that could make this any better is if we get a picture in the mail from one of the road cameras of us taking a picture of ourselves. I bet they don't see that everyday.
I think Mrs. SportDork needs bigger shades. Maybe like one of those tinted visors that Ladainian Tomlinson wears on his helmet.
We noticed this sign on our way to Stonehenge:
We noticed this sign on our way to Stonehenge:
I present this picture for a few reasons. First, I couldn't help but think that this is probably where we'll end up if we keep taking pictures of ourselves while driving. Second, I've noticed that the English are big on identifying the location of the local crematorium. This is about the fourth sign I've seen pointing out the direction of the nearest crematorium. There's a real premium on crematorium signage. Third, this is the point in the trip when I asked Mrs. SportDork where Woking was on the map, which caused us to realize that we had been driving in the wrong direction for a half an hour and that we probably should have been reading the road signs instead of taking self-portraits.
We got ourselves turned around, resisted the lure of a most-tempting road-side hot dog stand, and eventually made our way to Stonehenge. To say that the entry sign was a disappointment would be an understatement:
It's unique AND there is nothing else like it in the world? Really? Is that because it is comprised of stones that are really big AND very large in size?
After seeing the entrance sign, this didn't catch me off-guard quite as much as it otherwise would have:
Here's a close-up:
Where the hell is the terminal???
I have given this a lot of thought, and have decided that I am not going to show any actual pictures of Stonehenge. You've all seen it before, so what good does it do to put another picture up on SportDork.com? Ok - maybe just one. But I'm warning you now - it was much smaller than I expected:
Go Gators.
We got ourselves turned around, resisted the lure of a most-tempting road-side hot dog stand, and eventually made our way to Stonehenge. To say that the entry sign was a disappointment would be an understatement:
It's unique AND there is nothing else like it in the world? Really? Is that because it is comprised of stones that are really big AND very large in size?
After seeing the entrance sign, this didn't catch me off-guard quite as much as it otherwise would have:
Here's a close-up:
Where the hell is the terminal???
I have given this a lot of thought, and have decided that I am not going to show any actual pictures of Stonehenge. You've all seen it before, so what good does it do to put another picture up on SportDork.com? Ok - maybe just one. But I'm warning you now - it was much smaller than I expected:
Go Gators.
Sports and Stonehenge is fantastic!! All in one entry!! Fabulous!! I read Sports Dork before even bothering to tune into Sports Center or CNN !! It's the bomb!! All the best to Mr and Mrs Sports Dork! Leo
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Thanks so much for the support. When SportDork.com is trumping SportsCenter and CNN, we know we have arrived. I want to commend you on your use of the phrase "it's the bomb", which may be my favorite expression of all time. There is no greater compliment we could receive. I've noticed that usage of "it's the bomb" has unfortunately waned in recent years - probably because of all the sensitivity to terrorism, which makes it a poor choice to yell in airports and other high-traffic public venues. In this case, however, it almost single-handedly earned you Comment Of The Week honors for this week. As you will see, it was just a matter of bad timing, as you were narrowly edged out by a man who was able to take the term "Woking Crematorium" and run with it to places I would have never imagined. If you can work in another "it's the bomb" comment in a subsequent week, I think you've got the inside track on Comment Of The Week honors.
All this discussion of my favorite expression got me thinking about Tom Jones' song, "Sex Bomb", which was a big hit in the U.S. in 2004. Well, I don't know if "big hit" is an accurate representation, but I do know that my sister heard it, bought the cd, and we played it about forty times at one of our 4th of July parties. Ah, jello shots and Tom Jones - those were the days. Anyway, Tom was born and raised in South Wales , so I thought that kind of tied the whole thing together. Here is a link to Tom Jones' bio on Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tom_Jones_(singer) It's got a great picture of Tom. You know what? I can't resist posting it here for our reader that are too lazy to go to the link. Here is the man:
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OK, so I know I'm a little behind on checking out comments, but I have to say wow! I love the shout out to Tom and the Sex Bomb song -- that song rocks! I need to bust out my CD and dance with Georgia to it -- i know she'll love it too. "Sex bomb, sex bomb, you're my sex bomb..." I'm going to be singing that all day. Here's a link to the song - woo hooo!
http://youtube.com/watch?v=VkV65jUWYXk
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Thanks for the link!!!
I've given this a lot of consideration, and I don't know which is more troubling - that I have an immediate family member who is that far behind on reading the SportDork.com comments, or that you plan to sing "Sex Bomb" to your three-month old daughter.
Have you started saving money for psychological counseling yet?
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Hey - didn't take me as long this time -- aww yeah! What can I say, I do read your entries right away, I'm just a little slow on the comments.....c'mon, cut me some slack. And hey, if I don't sing pop classics like Sex Bomb to Gerogia, how will she be able to truly appreciate the wonderful music of the 90's? I feel it's my duty to share. I'll be sure to throw in some sweet Jodeci and Boys to Men jams as well. Have a lovely day!
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Any time someone mentions Jodeci and Boys to Men in 2007, there's only one thing left to do - give them proper recognition as The Comment Of The Week!!! In this case, you have garnered Comment Of The Week status not only because of your frightening knowledge of 90's musical "artists," but also because of your desire to sing Tom Jones' "Sex Bomb" to your newborn daughter. In addition, the fact that you were able to mention Tom Jones in the same breath with Boys To Men and Jodeci didn't hurt. Congratulations. You have earned it.
Here's a bonus for you:
Boys To Men:
Jodeci:
SWEET!!!!!!
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you've got a sweet soccer hooligan haircut! nice! did you join the Bonehurst Badboys Gang?
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You obviously thought, based on the first two Comments Of The Week, that you could score your first honors with a disparaging comment regarding my haircut, since derogatory comments about my weight put the other two entries over the top. In the words of Lee Corso, who I find myself quoting far too often lately, "Not so fast, my friend!" You have miscalculated. You see, unlike my physical conditioning, I take great pride in my bushy, graying, head of hair. I continue to astound hair dressers with my extremely high FPSI ("follicles per square inch"), even as I approach 40 (even though the gray makes it look like I'm approaching 50, but that's not the point.) You not only have not achieved Comment Of The Week status, you have gone so far as to attain anti-Comment Of The Week status. I don't quite know what that means yet, but I can assure you, it's bad. That'll teach you to mess with the 'do.
I actually googled "Bonehurst Badboys Gang," but I didn't find anything. Is that an obscure literary reference or did you just make it up? If they do exist, they sound kind of cool. I might look into that.
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i'm touched that you googled the Bonehurst Badboys, but i just went to google earth and looked for a major road that was in your neighborhood.
(if you did the same thing for me you'd say that i joined the Granny White Goons.)
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Very creative on your part. I'm impressed. I haven't heard of that street in our town, but I will have to look it up. Maybe there is a gang there. If there isn't, I kind of feel compelled to start one now.
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I could not resist commenting on the Woking Crematorium. I must admit that I was at first fascinated by the apparent need to distinguish the working crematoriums from the broken ones. I then proceeded to google the word 'woking' and amuse myself by trying to determine which search results were misspelled. Three quick examples are 'Woking Ladies' (correct), 'Live Woking Robot' (misspelled), and my personal favorite 'Hard woking housekeeper needed!!!'.
I also found myself wondering how many woks it would take to cremate a human corpse. Perhaps it would just be one giant wok. In hopes of being able to submit a humorous visual aid I decided to search images for 'wok' and it was there amid various pictures of woks and wok related items that I found the Holy Grail of my Woking quest. It is a lovely photo of a bare chested female torso holding a piece of paper simply stating "I love Brighton Wok". If you are as amazed as I was by this woman's passion for Asian cookware, don't be. It seems she is actually passionate about a movie more specifically titled "The Legend of Ganja Boxing - Brighton Wok".
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OK, people. You want your comment to be selected as The Comment Of The Week? You want your prose gloriously displayed in the bright lights of the link in the sidebar of SportDork.com that will, upon being clicked, take readers to your comment? Then read and learn, my friends.
Delightful word play that I never even considered, a disturbing reference to using cooking utensils to dispose of human remains, a description of a partially nude woman promoting an English film that features kung fu, ninjas, and ganja, all tied together with a significant volume of internet research?
Hello!!! I stand in awe of the genius that is SportDork.com's third, and dare I say best, Comment Of The Week!!!!
Here is a link to the soon-to-be-released film that you referenced: http://www.brighton-wok.com/ I have already reserved my tickets.
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Dude,
do you really follow sports??
UK is Kentucky.
KU is Kansas.
tighten up.
and I hope you know -- without looking it up -- whether I went to KU or UK.
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Gale Sayers! What an honor to have one of the greatest running backs in the history of the NFL grace the pages of SportDork.com. And it's even more impressive that you aren't just reading the entries - you're interested in what I'm doing, since you're checking out the Twitter.com box in the sidebar!! To know that a former professional football player is taking an interest in what I'm up to over here in England makes me feel pretty special.
Truth be told, Gale, does it really matter whether it's UK or KU? What's the difference? At the end of the day, they're both basketball schools whose brief impersonation of football schools is about to end, right? (It's so great to be able to play the "it's a football/basketball school card against someone else after it was done for so many years to UF!)
My complete indifference to using the correct abbreviation for Kentucky is actually directly correlated to Kentucky's complete indifference to kicking the extra-point at the end of the game and instead walking off the field after scoring a touchdown with no time remaining - an extra point that would have made it a seven point game and given me a push instead of a loss on my bet. If they want to start kicking extra points when they are supposed to, I'll start addressing them by the correct abbreviation. Until then, I will leave it up as "KU" and consider it an appropriate response to their failure to treat the game with the respect it deserves (and their failure to keep me from losing my bet, which we both know is the more important failure).
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