Superman Wears Tim Tebow Pajamas
Now that SportDork.com has gone to once-a-week entries, I decided it's time to really crank up the productivity on my book-writing efforts. So last week, I went out and did the one thing that would ensure that little to no progress would be made on my book in the foreseeable future - I bought a book on writing. Now, instead of actually writing my book, I can spend my time reading what someone else has written about how to write a book, which is what I should be doing instead of reading somebody else's book. Ah, the irony. The whole thing has that "I think I'll organize the sock drawer and alphabetize my CD collection before I go work out" feel to it, doesn't it?
Here's the book I bought:
I'm confident that after reading Stephen King's wisdom on writing, I will take the literary world by storm and crank out multiple best-sellers. Look at what happened after I read "How I Play Golf" by Tiger Woods - I immediately shaved twenty strokes off my handicap and started shooting in the low 70's. Oh wait - that's right. That didn't happen. I actually got worse. Well, I'll tell you this much - it sure changed my outlook on the game. In the past, when I hit a shitty shot, I had no idea why. Now, when I hit a shitty shot, I know exactly why. Not that knowing why I hit a shitty shot really does me any good, since even though I now know what I'm supposed to do, I still can't do it. I still suck, but now I know why I suck, which is actually more frustrating than sucking and not having a clue why. So golf has become an utterly un-enjoyable pursuit. Thanks Tiger. Maybe I should send Mr. King's book back.
While I’m on the subject of avoiding work - Here's a shot of Mrs. SportDork and co-workers doing their best to avoid all IT requests AND crush the competition in the office Halloween costume contest as the seven dwarfs:
I was happy to hear that they celebrate Halloween here in England. Mrs. SportDork accused me of failing to don a costume, but I maintain that I have been dressed up as a un-shaven, occasionally rank, out-of-work aspiring writer for four months now.
In the spirit of Halloween, a number of college football players did their best Superman impersonations this weekend. I think the original Mr. Superman, Tim Tebow, actually lent Percy Harvin his cape for the Gators' game against Vandy. 223 total yards in a 49 - 22 drubbing of the 'Dores? About half-way through the game, I realized I had made a critical hedge-bet error when it came to the Gators-Vandy game. The whole purpose of the Gator hedge-bet is to provide me with some financial solace in the event that the Gators lose. But the hedge-bet fails to be of any value or provide any kind of insurance when there is no possible way the Gators are going to lose - or even come close to losing. In that case you're just throwing money away, which I was reminded of as the Gators scored at will against Vandy and I lost fifteen GBP. The hedge bet research continues.
Did anybody else see the South Carolina-Arkansas game? I think someone made Darren McFadden angry, and from the way he was running through the Gamecocks defense, I can only assume it was a South Carolina defender. Talk about a superhero-esque performance. A SEC-record 323 rushing yards? And that was only a portion of Arkansas' 541 total rushing yards in a 48 - 36 win over the Gamecocks. As usual, Steve Spurrier did not disappoint at the post-game news conference:
''Obviously it was a mismatch tonight,'' South Carolina coach Steve Spurrier said. ''Looked like a Division III team trying to play an SEC team. Or maybe a Division III team could have slowed them down a little bit better than we could.''
Darren and his fellow running back, Felix Jones, dress up as a famous duo every year for Halloween. This year they asked people to vote online to determine what costumes they should wear. I think Darren missed the boat by not going as Superman, but I can't argue with the winning costumes:
That's Darren on the left, Felix on the right. I think the tats add a nice touch to Fred.
Given that the Gators just rushed for 210 yards against Vandy, and Darren McFadden tore up the Gamecocks defense, you would expect that Percy Harvin & Co. will have field day when the Gators play South Carolina this weekend. Of course, that would be a logical conclusion, and there is no place for logic in college football, so I fully expect that the Gamecocks will completely shut down the Gators running attack. It's too illogical not to happen.
If anybody should be wearing a cape after this weekend, it's The SportDork!!! Who gave you the Colts + 5.5?? What prognosticating genius!! Excuse me while I pat myself on the back some more. There is no more satisfying feeling in the world of sports gambling than taking the underdog and the points and then watching the underdog lose (as Indy did to New England 24 - 20) but cover the spread. It also happened to be a great game, which was a nice bonus. I'm already looking forward to the rematch in January in the AFC Championship Game.
The SportDork is now 2 - 1 in my NFL Picks Of The Week!! For those of you who have been wagering by taking the opposite of my selections and are now in the hole, I apologize. I will try to do better going forward.
Here it is - The third installment of The SportDork's NFL Picks Of The Week!!!!
Dallas - 1 @ N.Y. Giants - Here is what we know: the Cowboys just beat the Eagles in Philadelphia like a rented mule. If you missed the game, you missed one of the most thorough beatings I have witnessed in the NFL in recent memory. The Cowboys looked like they should be issued their Super Bowl tickets right now. Meanwhile, the Giants were over here in London doing their best to turn off as many potential English NFL fans as possible by putting on one seriously pathetic display of American football. Eli Manning, as has been well-documented on these pages, is a weenie, and Tony Romo is the second coming of Roger Staubach. This game is a total no-brainer. The Cowboys should win by three touchdowns - which is exactly why the correct pick, and The SportDork's NFL Pick Of The Week, is the N.Y. Giants + 1!!!
I just realized that's three weeks in a row picking a Manning. I don't know what that means, but it's starting to scare me. It could be time to seek counseling.
I realize many of you have stopped reading and have run out to put a couple thousand dollars on the Cowboys based on this week's Pick Of The Week, but for those of you still there, I wanted to share one last one amusing anecdote from our trip to see the Dolphins/Giants game at Wembley Stadium that I forgot to include in last week's entry.
As the third quarter was winding down, my beer-sales-shutdown radar started going off, so I told our English host that I was going to run down and grab another beer in the event that they were going to stop selling beer at the end of the third quarter, like they do at home. The very notion of any kind of beer sales shutdown was clearly foreign to him, but he invited me to investigate the situation on my own. I walked downstairs and came across a beer vendor on his way back out to the stands with a backpack full of beers. When I asked him when he would stop selling beer, he just stood there and looked at me like I had three heads.
"Well, I'll stop selling when I run out," he replied, pointing to his backpack. Then, pointing to the nearest concession stand, he said, "But they'll still be selling over there."
Wanting to make sure I completely understood what sounded like the kind of beer drinking freedom at a professional sporting event that I had never before experienced, I persisted. "So, you won't stop selling beer at the end of the third quarter?"
"Stop selling beer? Why would we do that?" He too looked very confused by my question. I briefly explained the beer-sales policy at home, and he broke into a wide grin.
"You don't have to worry about that here, mate," he said with a laugh. "As long as we have beer, we'll be selling it."
As it turns out, they not only sold beer throughout the fourth quarter - they were still selling beer after the game was over. Ten minutes after the game ended, as we walked through the concourse to head out of the stadium, the concessionaires were still handing out drafts, the bars were open, and there was no sign of the party coming to an end.
Have I mentioned that I love this country?
Good post. Maybe the weekly thing inspired you. The 10yr law reunion was a blast. I forwarded your blog to several classmates so your readership may double this week. Now its time to really step up the posting quality in order to keep the new readers.
Attendees at the 10yr: Vienna, Black, Jwass, Myrick, Tammy, Elise, Donna, Leslie Hoffman, Neil Jetter (hasn't changed at all), Gene, Richard Rosenthal, Felicia, Adi, Sommerville and spouse, Nicole, Gebaide, and a bunch of other folks.
Got to see Vandy play. Thanks to the Sportdork I was able to keenly track that great Vandy receiver you have been boostering.
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My first instinct was to thank you for your "good post" remark, but then I read your comment regarding the weekly thing "inspiring" me, which can only be read to mean that my recent postings have been less than inspiring, and it canceled out all the good mojo I was feeling from your "good post" comment. Stop toying with my emotions.
I am, however, very happy to hear that you spread the SportDork.com word while back in Gainesville for the reunion. Anything that I can do to contribute to a lack of productivity in the workplace makes me feel good. We're up to around a thousand hits a week, so you and others who are spreading the word deserve a big "thank you." Just don't be looking for a check in the mail. We're still firmly in the red.
Glad to hear that I could put you "in the know" when it came to Earl Bennett. He's the man.
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fyi: after reviewing the tape, Arkansas said that DMac had 321 yards, tying Vanderbilt RB Frank Mordica's SEC record set in 1978.
another interesting stat from that game was Arkansas only attempted one pass in the 2nd half.
and DMac had a TD pass, too.
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I knew that you would call me on that. Nice work. What I didn't know was that the adjustment would allow one of your boys from Vandy to remain in the record book. Go 'Dores!!!!
As Tebow demonstrated last weekend against the Gamecocks, apparently you don't need more than one player on offense to beat South Carolina. McFadden two weeks ago, Tebow last week. Wonder who will be next?
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I guess they keep selling the beer 'cause nobody drives around there... gotta love good 'ol reliable public transportation. And next time, tell the beer vendor about Marta!! HAAAAA!
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The reliability and quality of the public transportation over here is astounding. You're right - you never have to worry about drinking and driving, because you're never driving. They wouldn't even let people drive to Wembley - the roads were shut down for miles outside the stadium. The only way in or out was by train.
Marta. I can't wait to take it from Hartsfield airport next week when we come back for Turkey Day. Mrs. SportDork and I like to bet on how many minutes late the next train will be. It's fun, and it passes the time until your delayed train shows up.
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Such a breath of fresh air. You can't be this good. Coeboys giants tough game to pick.
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I am concerned that this comment came in anonymously. I think I might have a stalker. However, if you are in fact a normal, well-adjusted member of society without a criminal record or any history of psychological illness, then by all means, thank you for your support.
As for my feelings on the Cowboys/Giants game, see this week's entry.
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i just noticed that Mrs. Sportdork is a magnitude taller than the other dwarfs. obviously the costumes were chosen well. should Mrs. Sportdork have been Snow White???
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Mrs. SportDork as Snow White would have meant one less dwarf, and then there wouldn't have been seven. They were evil dwarfs - they claimed to have killed Snow White. There was a taped outline of her body on the floor that you can't see in the picture. Interesting twist, eh?
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