Another successful Thanksgiving!!  Three days in Nashville with eight adults and a newborn, and not a single threat of physical violence.  Now that's a successful Thanksgiving.  The fact that just about everyone but my sister's baby was mildly sedated on a steady diet of champagne, cosmopolitans and red and white wine over the three days probably didn't hurt the family chemistry.  It also didn't hurt that we were made to feel very at home.  Upon our arrival, we found my brother-in-law in the kitchen wearing his most recent present from England:

Can you feel the love?

Another thing that didn't hurt the family chemistry was the 45 - 12 beat down that the Gators put on the Seminoles on Saturday!!  There's only one thing that makes me as happy as a Florida victory, and that's a Seminoles loss, so when I get to experience both at the same time, it's a little slice of heaven.  I did my part to guarantee the win by going "double-Gator," which I don't have to tell you is the Gator sweatshirt worn over the Gator t-shirt.  It's a powerful combination that I rarely employ, because with power comes responsibility, but when a Gator win is imperative, I pull out the "double-Gator" to ensure victory.  We are undefeated when I go "double-Gator", so that should eliminate any doubts you might have about my ability to influence the outcome of a major college sporting event through my choice of wardrobe.  Statistics don't lie.

I promised myself I wouldn't make it three consecutive weeks of Tebow worship on SportDork.com, but his heroics on Saturday have forced my hand.  Apparently, on the opening drive of the third quarter, he fractured his right hand, but told the team doctors he was ok to keep playing, and then went out and played the rest of the second half and finished off the Seminoles.  I think he did it just so they could add another Tebowism to the list:  Tim Tebow broke his right hand just so he could say he beat the Seminoles with one hand.  One of Tim Tebow's hands is equal to two of yours.

How about the 60-yard field goal that FSU kicker Gary Cismesia made before the end of the first half?  And more importantly, how about the joe on Gary Cismesia?  He makes Sebastian Janikowski look svelte.  He has to be the fattest kicker in the history of college football.  His joe actually hangs over his belt.  It's pretty impressive.  I searched far and wide for a good shot of Cismesia's joe, but this is the best I could find:

Unfortunately he's in black, which we all know is slimming, so you don't get a true appreciation for the size of his gut.  The jersey he was wearing on Saturday night really showed it off nicely.  If anybody can track down a good picture of Gary's joe from the side, please send it in.  His joe deserves a spot on the pages of SportDork.com.

How about those LSU Tigers?  When Oklahoma inevitably beats Missouri this weekend in the Big 12 Championship game and we are left to watch West Virginia and Ohio State play for the "national championship" in one of the most putrid matchups in recent history, we can all think back fondly on the Tigers and their inability to dispose of the Arkansas Razorbacks.  When the two teams in the final game would be underdogs to each of the other eight teams in the top ten, the idea that the game's winner represents the national champion becomes a little far-fetched.  If Ohio State and West Virginia make it, it will also be a match-up of two teams from conferences that don't have conference championship games.  The whole system just reeks of equity, doesn't it?

The month long pre-bowl college football hiatus begins next week after the conference championship games, but at least we have the NFL to ease the pain.  The Patriots sure didn't ease my pain on Sunday when they handed The SportDork another loss on my NFL Pick Of The Week by barely pulling out a 31 - 28 win over the Eagles.  Maybe a twenty-three point spread was too many points after all.  More importantly, did anyone see the interview with Wes Welker, Patriots wide-receiver extraordinaire, after the game?  Not only is Wes the driving force on my fantasy football team, which currently has a strangle-hold on first place in our league, but it looks he's a fan of Movember!!  In his post-game interview, he was sporting a new, nicely groomed 'stache that he didn't have last month.  I wonder if he's a SportDork.com reader and was inspired to do his part to make Movember a success.  Maybe I'll send him a letter.  If anybody has a picture of Mr. Welker's new facial addition, let me know.  I couldn't find one anywhere. 

This brings me to a question - Is it possible for a blog to be too current?  Lately, SportDork.com has been so current that I'm almost reporting future events.  Last week, I wrote on Nick Saban's Pearl Harbor comments, and then ESPN spent the rest of the week showing the clip of his news conference.  This week, I bring you cutting-edge commentary on Gary Cismesia's joe and Wes Welker's 'stache, and I can't find pictures of either online because they haven't even made it to the web yet.  If this keeps up, I'm going to have to watch tv with my remote in one hand and my camera in the other so I can start taking pictures of images as they comes up on my t.v. - like I did with the program description for the oboe players and their reeds on the BBC.  I never thought my keen eye for newsworthy events could be such a curse.

After Sunday's Patriots loss, I now have a pretty steady win-one, lose-one streak going, so that means this week's SportDork NFL Pick Of The Week is a sure winner!!

N.Y. Giants - 2 @ Chicago Bears:  This spread makes no sense.  Eli just exhibited his infinite weenie-ness by throwing four interceptions in a 41 - 17 home blowout loss to the Minnesota Vikings, who have one of the worst pass defenses in the league.  The Giants were in the driver's seat for a wild-card spot in the playoffs, and then they go out and stink it up against the Vikings, who didn't even have Adrian Peterson in the lineup.  Meanwhile, the Bears came back from fourteen down in the fourth quarter to beat the Broncos in overtime and keep their playoff hopes alive.  The Giants still have the lead in the wild-card race and can afford to lose another game, while the Bears remain in a must-win situation to stay in the playoff race.  And, the Bears are playing at home.  Add all that up and what do you get?  The Bears should be favored by at least three or four points in this game.  The Giants have no business being the favorite.  But to quote Lee Corso once again, "Somebody knows something, so I'm going with the somebody."  If it's good enough for Lee, it's good enough for me, which is why The SportDork's NFL Pick Of The Week is The N.Y. Giants - 2 !!!!!

I hope everyone had a great, family-conflict-free Thanksgiving.  Here are a few things I will remember from my 2007 Thanksgiving:

1)  The self-serve waffle-maker at the Baymont Suites in Nashville.  Here's a picture of Mrs. SportDork, with the senior SportDorks, who were also lodging at the Baymont, enjoying a complimentary breakfast.  Notice how they are strategically positioned near the waffle-maker.  This is to ensure that no one can run off with my Dad's waffle:

You can see how happy my Dad is over the positioning.  Just try and swipe my waffle.  See what happens. 

 
2)  That this was the year that the student became the master.  The year that the pupil became the teacher.  What the f*&% am I talking about?  For the first time in my life, I imparted a security technique to my Dad.  On the way back to the Baymont from my sister's house on our first night in Nashville, we stopped at the local Publix and picked up a couple gallon jugs of water - one for the SportDorks, and one for the senior SportDorks.  We take hydration very seriously.  The next morning, when the senior SportDorks stopped by our room on their way downstairs for some make-your-own waffles, my Dad spotted a security technique he had never seen before.  I explained that when you get a big jug of water and keep it in your hotel room, you have to take measures to ensure that a disgruntled member of the cleaning staff can't take their anger out on you and tamper with your previously-opened gallon of water.  What kind of measures, you ask? 

Notice the placement of the empty Prilosec container on top of the water jug.  It's not just placed haphazardly on top of the jug.  It's at a right angle to both the wall and the water jug.  If we return to the room and this delicate balance has been disturbed, it's off to Publix for a fresh gallon of water.  You can't pull one over on the SportDork.  As you can imagine, my Dad was duly impressed.
 

3)  My sister yelling, "It's just a spritzer!" in an attempt to counter the objections as she poured herself and the ladies yet another white wine spritzer on Wednesday night.  Here's a shot of her, freshly off the wagon after a few months of painful breast-feeding, enjoying one of those tasty spritzers:

Go Jules!!! I don't think my Mom was amused.  I tried to explain to Jules that ten white-wine spritzers are still equal to five glasses of wine, but I don’t think she fully grasped the concept until the next morning.

4)  Watching my Dad get into the back seat of our car by crawling in head-first on all fours and then claiming that he had to do it that way because his arms and legs are disproportionately long for his body given his height.  Yeah, that's it - he can't get into the car like a normal person because his arms and legs are too long.  It clearly has nothing to do with the fact that he has the flexibility of a corpse with advanced Rigor mortis.  Here he is, sitting in the backseat by himself in the Publix parking lot.  He refused to go through the process of getting out and then getting back in after just completing the mission moments earlier at the Baymont.

Here he is later that day:

Just the thought of stretching had exhausted him.  Actually, I think it had more to do with the amount he ate for dinner:

Ok - maybe that was my plate.

5)  Overhearing my dad, in a conversation with my brother-in-law's dad, refer to a particular type of pain reliever as "the Cadillac of coated aspirin."

6)  Finally, I will always remember my 2007 Thanksgiving because of this purchase, which was made at the Nashville mall the day after Thanksgiving:

It's not kinky - it's a snore pillow.  According to Mrs. SportDork, I can snore with the best of 'em, so about a year ago, she got me a snore pillow.  It substantially reduced the noise and substantially improved her mood.  Recently, my old snore pillow started to lose its mojo.  Mrs. SportDork believed it was worn out and suggested it was time for a fresh one.  Well, when we walked into Brookstone on Friday, what was the first thing we saw?  The ultimate snore pillow.  How does it work?  It's really very simple.  Most snoring occurs when you are on your back.  Even people who fall asleep on their side, like myself, will at some point during the night roll onto their back, and that's when the symphony begins.  This pillow allows you to fall asleep on either side by putting your head to the right or left of the center of the pillow, as indicated by the arrows.  However, once you're asleep on your side, the big protrusion in the middle (circled in red) prevents you from rolling over onto your back, which in turn prevents snoring.  It's basically the compassionate alternative to having a couple of electrodes attached to your testicles that emit a small shock every time to try to roll onto your back when sleeping.  Mrs. SportDork told me that's actually the next step, so I'm really hoping this pillow does the trick.

ADMINISTRATIVE NOTE:  Just a reminder about the Subscription feature on the left side of the blog.  After more than three months, I am now comfortable in saying that I almost completely understand how it works.  If you enter your e-mail address in the blank space under "Subscribe to this Blog," you will get an e-mail each week when a new entry is published.  The e-mail will not only contain a notification that a new entry has been published, but it will also contain the entry itself.  A number of people have commented that subscribing is a great way to get the entry without ever having to go to the website.  Apparently, having the entry on your e-mail comes in particularly handy when you are in a long, boring work meeting (as if there is any other kind), because you can read it off of your blackberry instead of thinking about whether it would be worth it to fake a stroke in order to get out of the meeting.  I know some of you have reservations about providing your e-mail address, but I can tell you that the names or e-mail addresses of subscribers are not provided to me - I have no idea who has subscribed and what their e-mail address is.  Also, none of the current subscribers has reported receiving spam as a result of subscribing.  In short, if you tend to forget to go to the site as regularly as you'd like or would prefer to be able to read the entries off of your e-mail instead of going to the site, subscribing seems to be the way to go.  I'm not quite sure why I'm telling you this, since if you don't go to the site, I get less traffic and as a result collect less money from Google Adsense.  Actually, I know why.  Just the notion of at least one high-powered professional reading a SportDork entry off of their blackberry in the middle of a critical client meeting warms my heart.