Before we get to Tebowrama 2007, a brief quiz:  You know how you know you're back in the UK?  When you're watching the Patriots-Steelers game, they go to a commercial, and this comes up on the screen:





What a way to celebrate our first day back in the land of the tasty baguette and perpetual drizzle.  (Is the perpetual drizzle what makes the baguettes so tasty?)  Luckily, bare male ass on tv wasn't the only thing that made our arrival back in the UK special.  Within twenty-four hours of our arrival, Tim Tebow won The Heisman Trophy!  Christmas has come early!  Cancel all of my presents - I've got everything I need (although I wouldn't turn down a Tim Tebow Heisman shirt).

Shortly after presenting the award, The Downtown Athletic Club announced that they're going to name it The Tim Tebow Trophy starting in 2010.  They thought it would sound weird to announce that Tim Tebow had just won the Tim Tebow Trophy, so they're waiting until he graduates and runs for President of The United States to change the name.  Don't worry about Tim Tebow not meeting the thirty-five year-old requirement for running for President.  Tim Tebow can run for President any time he wants to.

I'm a little disappointed that I didn't see this coming immediately after the Gator basketball team disposed of Ohio State back in April.  After back-to-back-to-back national championships, there was really only one accomplishment left for the Gator Nation in the world of college football and basketball, and that was the most prestigious award in all of college sports.    It was clearly the next step for the Gators in our inevitable journey toward world domination.

Speaking of the Gators domination of Ohio State (and the world), I just came across this website: http://gatorsvsbuckeyes.com/  Pretty good spoof on the IBM/Mac commercials.  One observation - check out the google ads at the top of the web page - they're all ads for Intellectual Property attorneys.  Why are there three ads for IP attorneys on a sports website?  Because these guys got a cease and desist letter surrounding their sales of t-shirts with the trademarked word "Gators" on them and published the letter they received and their responses, so Google matched up IP attorney advertisements with their website for sports merchandise.  Gotta love Google Adsense.  Doesn't always make the most sense.

Are you ready?  It's Tebowrama time!!  As you can imagine, I have spent the last two days soaking up every bit of Tebowliciousness that I can find on the web, and I am prepared to share all of my discoveries with The SportDork Nation.

Here's one from a dedicated SportDork reader:

 

Tebow winning the Heisman was particularly sweet given June Jones' apparently drug-induced comments the week before the trophy presentation, when he referred to Tebow as a "system quarterback" and said he couldn't play in Hawaii's system because he wasn't an accurate enough passer.  Here's a link to the Hawaii head coach's unsolicited comments on Tebow and his deficiencies as a quarterback:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4UaS0LMlwsI

Hey June - you might want to get over to the mainland every once in a while.  Tebow was second in the country in passing efficiency, ahead of Hawaii's quarterback and Heisman contender Colt Brennan, the quarterback who is running a "system" - the run and shoot -  at Hawaii that, according to Jones, Tebow couldn't run because he's not an accurate enough passer.  Here's a link to Tebow responding to the comments made by Jones, and Jones lamely trying to defend his comments: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5XCbW2d7Lbc&feature=related

Next year, to open the season on August 30th, Florida hosts none other than Hawaii in Gainesville, so June will get a first-hand look at all of Tebow's limitations as a Division I quarterback.  He may want to keep an eye out for a stray stiff-arm.

In honor of the greatest college football player of all time (how could he not be?  He's Tim Tebow), here's a collection of little-known Tebow facts:

In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Tim Tebow.

Tim Tebow uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.

If you spell Tim Tebow in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Tim Tebow.

When Tim Tebow does division, there are no remainders.

Tim Tebow can blow bubbles with beef jerky.

Tim Tebow never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.

Tim Tebow’ pulse is measured on the richter scale.

Tim Tebow CAN in fact ‘raise the roof’. And he can do it with one hand.

Whoever said “only the good die young” was probably in Tim Tebow’s kindergarten class.

Tim Tebow can jump-start a car using jumper cables attached to his nipples.

Tim Tebow doesn’t have blood. He is filled with magma.

Tim Tebow uses Tabasco Sauce for eye drops.

Tim Tebow can sneeze with his eyes open.

Tim Tebow let the dogs out.

Tim Tebow once bench-pressed the entire state of Ohio, and all of its residents.

Tim Tebow can cook minute rice in 30 seconds.

Tim Tebow makes onions CRY!!!

In the beginning there was nothing…then Tim Tebow stiff armed that nothing in the head and said “Get a job”.
That is the story of the universe.

Killing Tim Tebow doesn’t make him dead. It just makes him angry.

Tim Tebow doesn’t do pushups, he pushes the earth down.

Tim Tebow’s tears cure cancer.  Too bad he’s never cried.

If you wake up in the morning, it’s because Tim Tebow spared your life.

If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Tim Tebow says its beef, then you better believe it’s beef.

Tim Tebow once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

Tim Tebow counted to infinity - twice.

Tim Tebow played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

Tim Tebow once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.

When Tim Tebow was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.

Simon Says should be renamed Tim Tebow Says because if Tim Tebow says something then you better do it.

Tim Tebow won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn’t a big deal.

When Tim Tebow pissses into the wind, the wind changes direction.

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Tim Tebow jumps out.

When Google can’t find something, it asks Tim Tebow for help.

You can lead a horse to water. Tim Tebow can make him drink.

Tim Tebow can get McDonald’s breakfast after 10:30.

When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Tim Tebow.

Every mathematical inequality officially ends with “< Tim Tebow”.

What color is Tim Tebow’s blood? Trick question. Tim Tebow does not bleed.

Guns don't kill people, Tim Tebow kills people.

If Tim and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Tim would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.

Sun Tzu once wrote, “If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, join him. If he is Tim Tebow, you’re freaking dead.”

Tim Tebow has been to Mars. That’s why there’s no life on Mars.

Superman’s only weakness is Kryptonite. Tim Tebow laughs at Superman for having a weakness.

Tim Tebow’s family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.

The Titanic is reported to have sunk due to hitting an iceberg. To the contrary, Tim Tebow was having his morning swim in the North Atlantic when the Titanic strayed off course and headed straight for him. Tebow stiff armed the ship back on course and… well you know what happened…

Tim Tebow does not cry. He pummels tears out of would-be tacklers to use as his own.

The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Tim Tebow. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.

Tim Tebow once stiff-armed a horse. That animal became what is now known as the giraffe.

Tim Tebow is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Tim Tebow’s hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Tim Tebow doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Tim Tebow gave Mona Lisa that smile.

Tim Tebow is the reason Waldo is hiding.

When taking the SAT, write ‘Tim Tebow’ for every answer. You will score more than 1600.

The chief export of Tim Tebow is Pain.

The Abrahms tank was originally called the Tebow tank until Tim Tebow decided it wasn’t tough enough to be associated with him. The Army, for fear of Tim Tebow, renamed the tank and promised to develop a weapon more fitting of his name. To date, no weapon created has been bad-ass enough to be named after Tim Tebow.

Tim Tebow can dribble a football.

Tim Tebow does not love Raymond.

Tim Tebow can lick his own elbows. At the same time.

Tim Tebow doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.

Tim Tebow puts his pants on 2 legs at a time.

Tim Tebow gets called for roughing the tackler.

When Tebow spikes the ball, he strikes oil.

People with amnesia still remember Tim Tebow.

Since we were back in England, we didn't get to see Tebow deliver his Heisman acceptance speech live on tv.  Thank God for Youtube.  In case you missed it, here's a link: http://youtube.com/watch?v=W3kr99KcoSA 

After watching his acceptance speech on Sunday and immediately doing fifteen pushups so I could be more like Tim Tebow, I called my parents to celebrate another victory for the Gator Nation.  I thought we would be sharing a hearty round of "Go Gators!" and reveling in the wonder that is Tim Tebow, but I was sorely mistaken.  Here is a rough transcript of the conversation:

Mom:  Hello?
Me:  Go Gators!
Mom:  Go Gators!  Let me get your father.  Tim!  Pick up the phone - it's your son!
Me:  Tebowlicious!!
Mom:  What does that mean?
Me:  Nothing.  It's just an expression.  Did you guys watch the trophy presentation?
Mom:  Yes, and I'll tell you something.  Somebody needs to tell that young man to get his hands out of his pockets!
Me:  What?
Mom:  His hands!  He stood up there on stage with the other players, and he had his hands in his pockets the whole time.  Horrible.  His parents might have taught him a lot, but I can't believe they never taught him to keep his hands out of his pockets.
Dad:  Hey! Go Gators!  Yeah, that was pretty bad.  He's got to get his hands out of his pockets.  You just don't do that.  You know how your mother feels about that.
Mom:  All the other contestants had their hands in front of them, or behind them, or at their side, but he had his hands in his pockets.  Terrible.  How do you not teach your kids to keep their hands out of their pockets?
Me:  They probably should have taken the Heisman away.
Mom:  I just can't believe he stood up there with his hands in his pockets the whole time.
Me:  You know, Mom, before you get too riled up about Tebow putting his hands in his pockets during the Heisman presentation, you should know that I forgot to take my sunglasses off until halfway through Mrs. SportDork's sister's wedding pictures.
Mom:  That's still not as bad as leaving your hands in your pockets.
Me:  Dad, what happened?  You said there was no way he was going to win it!
Dad:  Yeah, I can't believe it.  I was sure he was going to get screwed.  You know, the rest of that Gator football team should be ashamed of themselves!
Me:  What?
Dad: I don't even know how they can look at themselves in the mirror!  Your quarterback is the toughest guy on the team?  What a bunch of wussies! 
Me:  Well, he did just win the Heisman as a sophomore.  He'd probably be the toughest guy on the team no matter what team he was on.
Dad:  The rest of that team is just soft!  It's a disgrace that they aren't playing in the national championship with him as their quarterback!  When are they going to get some guys that can play football around him?
Mom:  Did I send you the video of the guy showing how dirty hotel rooms are?
Me:  What?
Mom:  It's really gross.  I have to remember to send it to you.  I'm going to show it to your father when we get off the phone.
Me:  Why would you show that to Dad, of all people?  I think he's paranoid enough.
Dad:  So I can add it to my list of things to be on the lookout for.
Me:  I think your plate is already full.

So, a call to my parents to share in the Heisman joy reveals that a) somebody needs to get a hold of this Tebow kid and tell him to get his f&*^% hands out of his pockets, b) the Gators suck and the rest of the players should probably be kicked off the team and c) hotel rooms are dirty.  I can only imagine what the conversation would look like if they win the lottery.  "What a pain in the ass! How do we keep someone from stealing all this money?"

Apparently, some people are able to overlook the fact that Tebow keeps his hands in his pockets:



You have to appreciate his singular focus.  He's obviously attracted to anything that looks like a football (or footballs).



Are you ready for this week's SportDork NFL Pick Of The Week?  Unfortunately, I'm in no position to comment on last week's pick (New Orleans - 4.5) because I taped it last night and haven't watched it yet.  I guess I need to stay away from Monday night games from now on.  Who am I kidding?  We all know it was a win, right?  So let's just assume I am now on an incredible hot streak and am looking to extend the mojo until I find out a few hours from now that Drew Brees got knocked out of the game in the first quarter and the Falcons pulled off the upset.  

What about this week?  Last week I went for desperation with the Saints, and whether I won or not, I like riding that particular emotion at this point in the season.  But you know what emotion I like riding even more?  Hatred.  And there's only one team that will be stepping on the field this weekend with complete contempt for their opponent.

New England - 24 vs. N.Y. Jets - Who was it again that exposed the Patriots for illegally taping other teams' signals?  You remember - the team that cost them a bunch of cash, draft picks and, more importantly, stirred up talk of whether their three Super Bowls were just part of a "tainted" dynasty?  The team that, by reporting the Patriots to the league office, had everyone talking about whether the Patriots actions should warrant an asterisk in the record books if they go undefeated?  Oh, that's right - it was the Jets.  Belichick didn't like Manginius BEFORE the illegal taping thing went down.  He was already pissed at him for leaving the Pats and going to the Jets.  Add to that the fact that Mangini is the one responsible for putting a cloud of doubt over all of the Patriots accomplishments over the past five years, as well as their potentially undefeated season, and you have the recipe for a blowout.  Brady may still be throwing bombs to Moss with the Patriots up by forty-two with 1:25 left in the fourth quarter, which is why The SportDork's NFL Pick Of The Week is New England - 24 !!!!!!!!  Mangini may be the one who doesn't want to shake hands after this game.