The SportDork is officially stateside, and not a moment too soon!  We had a little trouble getting through airport security in London, courtesy of a couple new additions that I picked up while we were in Amsterdam last weekend, but in the end I was able to convince the authorities that my nipple rings did not pose a threat to the other passengers and was allowed to board the plane.  At least they didn't make me go to the pliers, like this woman in Texas: http://www.iht.com/articles/ap/2008/03/27/america/NA-GEN-US-Nipple-Rings.php

With my mini-barbells safely back in the U.S., I spent the weekend soaking up every minute of college basketball coverage my television could offer, determined to provide The SportDork Nation with in-depth analysis of the weekend's action.  Unfortunately, with almost every game decided by double-digits, there's not a whole lot to analyze.  Do you realize that out of the twelve games played from last Thursday through last Sunday (the Sweet Sixteen and Great Eight), only TWO were decided by less than double-digits?  Again - two out of twelve games in a four day period were won by less than ten points.  That's not competitive basketball, and it's not particularly fun to watch. 

Even worse, Memphis and North Carolina are both in the Final Four.  Memphis' presence in the Final Four means I have to endure another weekend of listening to announcers talk about how "long" they are.  Did you know Memphis is "long?"  They're not just tall - they're "long!"  Forget that they basically go hand in hand - if you're tall, you typically have long arms.  Why use an old, tired term like 'tall' or 'height' when you can be hip and use some ridiculously amorphous term like 'long?'  It's the most idiotic term in college basketball-speak today, and the idiots wearing the headsets can't get enough of it.  (It's also a little inappropriate - I can't figure out what being 'long' has to do with the Memphis players' ability to play basketball.)  If you do a shot every time one of the announcers uses the term 'long' this weekend when Memphis plays UCLA, you'll be passed out by halftime.  (Hey - that's one way to make it stop.)  The players and coaches have even been brainwashed.  Here's a sample of the 'long' epidemic:   http://sports.espn.go.com/ncb/ncaatourney08/columns/story?id=3321172

And North Carolina in the Final Four means I have to watch more video of Tyler Hansborough playing "Texas Style" ping pong with teammates.  If you haven't yet had the pleasure of watching one semi-grown man pelt another semi-grown man in the abdomen with a ping-pong ball, here you go.  Enjoy.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_m8AzP-S-ls
I can't wait until a couple of fourteen year-olds with too much time on their hands decide this looks like fun and try it themselves, only to have one of them lose an eye because of their friend's poor aim.  Maybe they can sue Tyler after he signs a big NBA contract.

As you can probably tell, I'm a little upset about the way the NCAA tourney has played out so far.  In particular, UCLA has really disappointed me.  Taking a look at my bracket, you can see why:

One game away from successfully failing to pick a single Final Four team, and UCLA has to go and beat Xavier.  Thanks a lot, Bruins.  You did it to me again.  Last year, I came up one game short from winning the pool because you couldn't beat the Gators in the final.  (That's right, I had UCLA beating the Gators in the Championship Game.  It will haunt me forever.)  And now, you ruin my quest for Final Four perfection.

We did get another kind of Final Four perfection.  Four number one seeds in the Final Four for the first time in the history of the tournament should translate to some great games this weekend.  It better, because this past weekend's action was a real snoozer.   

This weekend's NCAA tourney action was such a disappointment that there's only one thing left to do.  It's time to check in on the National Invitational Tournament ('NIT')!  That's where the juggernauts of tomorrow are playing, right?  Young, hungry teams who are fine-tuning their attacks and preparing to compete for an NCAA Championship in the years to come - those are the teams I want to watch.  What's that?  The semi-finals are tonight?  On ESPN2?  And the Florida Gators are still in it?  Now that's prime time college basketball at its finest!

I'm sure you already know from the massive press coverage of the tournament (I dare you to try and find the word 'NIT' on either CNNSI.com or ESPN.com) that the Gators have swept through the NIT like the tornado that tore through the Georgia Dome a couple weeks ago.  A quick trip to www.nit.org (apparently they couldn't even get nit.com) provides the details of the Gators dominance.  A 73 - 49 drubbing of powerhouse San Diego State in the first round, an equally impressive 82 - 54 victory over Creighton in the second round, and finally a crushing 70 - 57 win over Arizona State in the quarterfinals to send them to the Semifinals against UMass tonight in Madison Square Garden.  As I reported a few weeks ago, the Gator players have been banned from wearing any Gator clothing outside of their jerseys since their first-round departure from the SEC tournament and have been locked out of their new practice facility.  Most importantly, without access to their practice facility, they have been left to do their own laundry for the last few weeks.  What better way to motivate a bunch of eighteen year-olds than to force them to do their own laundry?  More evidence that Billy Donovan is, in fact, a genius.  He did fall one step short on his motivational tactics, though.  He should have had a bunch of UK washer/dryer combo units shipped to Gainesville and made the players wash their gear in those.  Then they'd know what pain really feels like. 

I'll be taking in tonight's game in beautiful high-definition thanks to our return to the U.S.  I may fire up the Slingbox for a minute just to give myself a greater appreciation for the perks that come with being home, but after that, the Slingbox will be officially retired.  Speaking of a perk that comes with being home, here I am enjoying one last night:

Whipped cream in a can.  God bless America.

Go Gators!