The SportDork Super Bowl entry was such a hit (meaning no one wrote in to say that it sucked) that I decided that it was once again time to give you a behind-the-scenes look at The SportDork preparing for and enjoying a Championship event.  This time, it was the NCAA Basketball Championship. 

8:30 PM:  I prepare for the game by donning my lucky black ski jacket that I found in the closet when we got back from the England last week:

It was lucky when I was sixteen.

8:35 PM:  Chicken Bombay is ready.  Mrs. SportDork knows a big-time sporting event when she sees one, and she knows when to bust out the big-time meals.  Here's a shot of the Bombay:

Chicken Bombay has quite a history behind it.  It was the first dish that Mrs. SportDork cooked for me during our courtship.  Being a gentlemen, I failed to inform her that I had a chicken intolerance and almost had to be rushed to the hospital.  When she laughs at me for packing my intestinal distress kit before a vacation, I often refer to that night in an effort to explain that she knew what she was getting herself into.  It was the first night of the rest of our lives.

To prepare for tonight's announcing, I ask her if the chicken is long, like Memphis.  She has no response.

8:55 PM - Our house sitters, Ronen and Hollie, who are preparing to move out of our house, discover the top layer of their wedding cake in the freezer.  Since they forgot to pull it out two weeks ago on their first anniversary, they decide to honor the final game of the 2007/2008 college basketball season by eating it tonight.  There was some confusion over how to determine whether it had thawed out:

Even after referencing the instructions, Ronen is not convinced:

9:00 PM - Prelude to a Championship has started on CBS, but I am watching Dancing With The Stars.  That's what happens when your wife gets a hold of the remote control.  Not to worry.  The DVR has been programmed to record all the pre-game action.

9:05 PM - Chicken Bombay is finished.  I'm a slow eater.  Thanks to Prilosec OTC, no chicken intolerance issues to report.

9:13 PM - High drama on Dancing With The Stars.  Derek, Shannon Elizabeth's dance partner, apparently suffered a neck injury during the week, and it is unclear whether he will be able to perform.

9:14 PM - Derek is able to make it on the floor, and he and Shannon Elizabeth dazzle the judges with a Viennese Waltz that earns them two nines and a ten from the judges.  Who needs Billy Packer and Jim Nantz?

Pre-Game (courtesy of my DVR)

9:08 PM - Sam Ryan interviews John Calipari.  I have no idea what he said.  All I know is that Sam Ryan did the interview.  I could watch Sam Ryan interview a basketball.  In case there was any confusion, Sam Ryan is a woman.

9:12 PM - Bill Self, Kansas head coach, gives his pre-game speech.  I dozed off halfway through.  I've never seen a head coach that calm before a big game.  I think he's on sedatives.

9:18 PM - Player Introductions.  I'm rooting for Kansas for one reason: Sasha Kaun.  Every time Jim Nantz says his name, I start singing Chaka Khan's "I feel for you."  It never gets old - for me.

9:19 PM - Ronen goes in for a second piece of wedding cake.  He announces that he's counting on the sugar high to make it through to the end of the game.

9:21 PM - I may switch my allegiance to Memphis based on their player introduction ritual.  Every time a guy is introduced, he approaches a huddle made up of other Memphis players, and when he enters the huddle, he makes a gesture like he is pressing the plunger on an explosive device, and all the other players jump backwards, like they are suffering the effects of the detonated explosive.  I give them an F for sensitivity, given the fact that we are currently in an actual war, and people are in fact dying from real explosives, but an A for creativity.  Very catchy.

9:24 PM - Tip off.  I pause the DVR to document the time.  Ronen asks if I'm going to be doing that all fu*king night.  I tell him to mix in a salad with his fourth piece of cake.

1st Half (All times refer to time left in first half)

17:22 - Quick question.  Do either of these teams have any actual offensive plays that they run, or do they just run up and down the court like wild men?

15:40 - Ronen and I both poured tequila shots at tip-off, with the intention of doing one every time the announcers refer to Memphis as 'long,' but they're still sitting on the coffee table.

15:20 - Alley Oop to Sasha Kaun!  Everybody now!  Sasha Kaun, let me rock you, let me rock you Sasha Kaun, let me rock you, that's all I want to do, Sasha Kaun, let me rock you, let me rock you Sasha Kaun, let me rock you, let me feel for you, feel for you . . . . .

12:05 - Ronen just looked up Sasha Kaun's Wikipedia page.  He's a computer science major.  Is there anything this guy can't do?

11:33 - Sasha Kaun is called for a travel on his way in for a lay up.  Loser.

8:42 - Memphis subs in a three-hundred and ten pound guy named Pierre Niles.  Pierre.  That's rich.

6:22 - Memphis takes the lead after an 11-2 run, which follows a Kansas run.  Will it be a game of runs?  If so, I hope they bust out the Immodium.  Nobody wants to see that.

5:23 - Sasha Kaun dunks again!!  Love that guy.

4:22 - Jim Nantz announces that the ball 'squirted out' as I am writing my 'game of runs' comment from the 6:22 mark.  Coincidence?

3:45 - Five ties and three lead changes to this point.  Could we have a close game on our hands?  I forgot what one looked like.

1:53 - Huge rebound by Sasha Kaun!!  He's unstoppable.

Halftime (Kansas leads, 33 - 28)

What a joke.  Not one reference to Kansas being 'long' during the entire first half.  There's only one thing left to do.

Me and Greg Gumbel doing tequila shots.

Psycho T wins the Naismith Award.  Nice black shirt/suit combo.

I thought he was going to announce that he's joining the seminary.

Ronen and I were hoping he would lift his shirt and show us the ping pong ball bruises.

An interview with North Carolina head coach Roy Williams:

Is that Tyler's shirt? 

Roy is also wearing a Jayhawk on his shirt in support of Kansas, since he coached them for many years:

What a nice guy.  That should make all the UNC fans who watched their team get steamrolled by Kansas on Saturday feel good.

2nd Half

18:48 - Billy Packer refers to a player as the "quiet assassin?"  Is that similar to the "silent assassin", but slightly louder?

16:40 - Hello, frenetic pace.

13:50 - Memphis misses two free throws.  My prediction?  Those two points will cost them the game.

9:39 - Memphis appears to be running a play.  An actual play?  I must be hallucinating.

9:37 - Kansas steals the ball.  Now I understand why Memphis doesn't run any plays.

5:20 - I just checked my e-mail, and I got a quote in on a new roof for our house.  I missed the last four minutes.  Sorry. 

5:10 - Derrick Rose makes an absurd shot.  Memphis may be too long for Kansas.

4:12 - Rose again.  He banks in a desperation three-pointer to make it an eight point Memphis lead.  Maybe those two missed free throws won't cost them the game after all.

3:49 - Rose's shot was only a two-pointer.  Makes it a seven-point game.  Not nearly as impressive now.

3:12 - Billy Packer has started to lose his mind, as expected.  The last time Kansas came down the court, he started talking about how they needed to start going for three-pointers, and now, with Memphis in possession of the ball, he's talking about how Kansas should start fouling, down by five with three minutes left.  Someone get Brilliant Billy some oxygen.

1:44 - Big three-pointer by Kansas to cut the lead to four. 

1:12 - Memphis misses the front end of the one and one.  THAT could cost them the game.

1:05 - Kansas scores.  Two-point game.

0:16 - Memphis has two free throws and is up by two.  They miss BOTH free throws, but they get the rebound.  Kansas fouls Rose.

0:10 - Rose misses the first free throw, but makes the second.  Memphis is up by three.

0:03 - Holy shit.  Kansas hits a three-pointer with time expiring.  Free throws.  So boring, yet so important.

Overtime

4:00 - Billy and Jim are busy talking about how the referees changed Rose's three-pointer to a two-pointer earlier in the game, and that was the difference between a Memphis win and overtime.  Yeah, guys, that's it.  The fact that they're in overtime has nothing to do with Memphis' inability to make a free throw down the stretch.  Way to identify the storyline.

0:56 - Memphis down by six, and Roberts hits a three-pointer to make it a three point game.  This guy can make an NBA three-pointer, but can't hit a free throw to save his life.  I don't get it.

0:45 - Memphis is down by three, and they foul a seventy percent free throw shooter.  Billy can't understand the strategy.  That's because there IS no strategy, Billy.  I thought that was obvious by now.

Kansas wins, 75 - 68.  I can't believe it.  Not the outcome - the fact that is was a close game!  I wonder if Memphis Coach John Calipari thinks free throws are worth talking about now. 

I'll leave you with this - remember, as I said in my March Madness entry a few weeks ago, ALWAYS pick Kansas to go to the Sweet Sixteen, but NEVER pick them to win the title.  Once again, The SportDork has catapulted a team to a championship.  I hope it was a prosperous three weeks for The SportDork Nation.

P.S.  Sam Ryan conducts post-game interview with John Calipari.  Once again, I have no idea what he said.  Also, I have determined that "One Shining Moment" is much better when it features the Gators.