It happens every year.  Just when I think my head might explode if I watch one more minute of HGTV, it happens.  I turn on the TV, and before I can even make out the picture, I hear a familiar voice.  It's a voice that lets me know that everything is going to be alright.  It's a voice that lets me know that another long, cold, spring and summer is about to come to an end.  It's a voice that reminds me that it is always darkest just before the dawn.  It's Al Michael's voice, dancing through my den, and it's signaling the start of football season!!

Each year, as I sit and take a moment to reflect upon the gift that is football while soaking up the timbre of Mr. Michael's voice, I consider the strength and resolve I have displayed since watching the Super Bowl champion hoist the Lombardi trophy back in early February.  How did I have the mental fortitude to make it through?  How did I survive for more than six months without a live football telecast?  An impressive combination of resiliency and fortitude, to say the least.  Weaker men crumble, I'm sure, but not The SportDork. 

As the Titans and Bills kicked off Sunday night's NFL Hall of Fame game, I reached over for the box of tissues and dabbed the ceremonial 'season-kick off' tear of joy running down my left cheek.  This tear is not to be confused with the ceremonial 'season-ending' tear of misery, which typically runs down my right cheek.  This tear is one filled with the hope and promise of a magical season filled with spectacular plays, nail-biting finishes, and of course a Gators National Championship.  The 'season-ending' tear, on the other hand, is filled with sadness and bewilderment over the fact that football isn't played year-round.

A most exciting piece of news for this upcoming season - which I was reminded of moments after hearing Al Michael's voice - is that that Al will be joined in the booth by former Gator Chris Collinsworth on NBC's Sunday Night Football.  NBC apparently made the decision to pair Collinsworth with Michaels after someone pointed out that John Madden had been babbling incoherently for roughly two and a half years. 

I actually have mixed emotions about the switch from Madden to Collinsworth.  On one hand, without Madden in the booth, I won't be able to rant about him and Michaels completely disregarding blown calls and siding with the officials no matter how vividly the video evidence contradicts their position.  As avid readers of SportDork.com know, this brings me great joy.  http://sportdork.com/2008/01/09/sonny-crockett-was-a-gator.aspx  On the other hand, I may have even more to write about with Collinsworth in the booth, since he frequently appears to be just as clueless as Madden about what's happening on the field, but also has the ability to take it one step further by combining his mis-observations with random inflammatory comments and meaningless football terminology.  You can't imagine how excited I was to hear him use the term "running downhill" only minutes into Sunday night's telecast.  At that moment, I knew Sunday Night Football was going to be very good to The SportDork this year.

It was great to hear from the Hall of Fame inductees, particularly Bills owner Ralph Wilson.  As I listened to him share war stories with Collinsworth and Michaels, I couldn't help but marvel at how the ninety-one year old owner appeared to be more lucid than Wade Phillips when he was coaching the Bills:

Wade:  "Doug - Look at how big I am on the JumboTron.  I look like a giant."
Doug:  "I have no idea how to respond to that, but I am in awe of your joe."


It was also nice to see Vince Young pick up right where he left off last year, firing an interception on his second pass.  Talk about a guy falling apart.  He goes from Rookie of the Year two years ago, leading the Titans to the playoffs, to battling for the backup spot.  I guess losing his mentor, former Titans quarterback Steve McNair, couldn't have done much to help him regain his form.  And since I brought him up, can we talk about Steve McNair for a second? 

I understand that Steve McNair was killed, and that's terrible.  But I have to make what I believe are two very reasonable requests of the mainstream media.  First, could we stop referring to the woman who shot and killed him as his 'girlfriend'?  Steve McNair wasn't a bachelor, and they weren't dating.  McNair was married, and had four kids.  This woman wasn't his 'girlfriend'.  She was his mistress.  Using the term 'girlfriend' is just a convenient way to try and skirt around the gravity of the situation.  Calling her his 'girlfriend' makes it sound like they were engaged in some kind of socially accepted, society-endorsed relationship - one in which they go on dates together, they meet each other's family at some point, etc.  No, this was a married man who was cheating on his wife with another woman.  He was a philanderer, and she was his mistress.  And as it turns out, not his only mistress.  Apparently he was cheating on his mistress with another woman.  At this point in the story, I'm not sure how to keep them straight, so I'll refer to the first woman he was cheating on his wife with as Mistress #1 and the second as Mistress # 2.  (Sorry.  I couldn't come up with anything better.)  Anyway, I guess Mistress #1 found out about Mistress #2, which culminated with Mistress #1 shooting and killing McNair, and then herself. 

This brings me to my second request.  Could we please stop referring to McNair's death as 'tragic'?  Was his death untimely?  Yes.  Was it terribly sad?  Yes.  But tragic?  Tragic implies that you are living your life, minding your own business, behaving as one in our society would be expected to behave, when you are befallen by some terrible act.  Steve McNair was shot to death by his mistress, in her apartment, because she thought he was cheating on her with another woman.  Call me crazy, but this series of events does not meet The SportDork threshold for tragic.  If Steve McNair is in his back yard, playing ball with his four sons, and he's struck by lightning, that's tragic.  If Steve McNair is at home watching TV with his wife and kids, and a plane crashes into their house and kills them, that's tragic.  But when you're having sex with multiple women who aren't your wife instead of spending time with your family and raising your kids and one of the women loses it and shoots you while you're passed out on a couch that's not in your house, that's not tragic.  Is it deserved?  Absolutely Not.  But it's not tragic either.  It's just sad.

While I've got an "unhealthy physical involvement with multiple women who aren't your wife' theme going, did you hear about the exploits of these three delightful Wisconsin women? 

 



Here's a link to this great story, which will help balance out my McNair rant with a little levity: 

http://www.canada.com/news/Wisconsin+women+glue+penis+court+documents/1862614/story.html

Actually, I take that back.  A penis and Krazy Glue? That's not levity.  That's tragic.

And finally, taking home an honorable mention in the 'unhealthy physical involvement with multiple women who aren't your wife" category is Josh Hamilton, Texas Ranger's outfielder and star of last year's All-Star Home Run Derby.  Josh apparently found himself in an Arizona bar this past January but could not find the will power to turn down a free beer from the bartender, who recognized the All-Star but was not aware that he was a recovering drug and alcohol addict who recently authored the book, "Beyond Belief:  Finding the Strength to Come Back."  Well, one beer turned into many, many more, and someone with a camera caught the results and sent them into Deadspin.com, which published them over the weekend.  Here are a couple that pretty well sum up the evening:

Hey - cut the guy some slack.  Sure, he's married and has three young daughters.  But it's a disease, people.  Once he had those twelve beers and then co-eds and whipped cream were introduced, he couldn't be held responsible for his actions. 

I think this is what our President might refer to as a 'teachable moment.'  When's the Whipped Cream Summit?