People are always asking me, "SportDork, what's the source of your unique perspective on the world of sports?  How do you deliver such clever and unique insights on a regular basis to your tens of readers?" 

A valid inquiry, no doubt.  And while I've tried to keep it under wraps for a while now, hoping to fool The SportDork Nation into believing that the gems produced on these pages, week in and week out, are the sole product of my expansive - and frequently troubling -  intellect, I can no longer live a lie.  It's time for my readers to know the true source of my inspiration.

I have a muse.

You see, living under the same roof as The SportDork - sharing the same space at SportDork Headquarters, is a woman who often provides me with sporting insights that you're just not going to get on ESPN.  Yes, I'm referring to none other than Mrs. SportDork, and it is her unusual sports observations that allow me to stay focused on the obscure elements of the sporting world each week. 

Let me give you a glimpse into a weekend of sports, as seen through the eyes of Mrs. SportDork.

Event: PGA Tour Championship
Date: Friday, September 25, 2009
Time: 2:30pm
Location:  East Lake Golf Club, Third fairway
Scene:  Mrs. SportDork and I are standing at the ropes on the third fairway.  We have just witnessed Retief Goosen hit his approach shot onto the third green and he is now making his way up the fairway.

Me: "Great shot.  I can't believe how smooth his swing is."
Mrs. SportDork: "I would have never guessed that Retief Goosen wears tighty-whities. Well,  tighty-blackies, if you want to get technical."
Me:  "Excuse me?"
Mrs. SportDork:  "Yeah.  You could see them right through his pants."
Me: "I'm going to get another beer."

How about another?

Event: PGA Tour Championship
Date: Friday, September 25, 2009
Time: 4:30pm
Location:  East Lake Golf Club, Sixteenth green
Scene:  Mrs. SportDork and I are sitting in the grand stand on the sixteenth green.  Phil Mickelson has just hit his second shot on the green and is walking up. 

Me:  "This putt has a lot of speed to it.  It's going to be tough for him to keep it near the hole."
Mrs. SportDork:  "Wow.  Phil's really bringin' it in his Euro shirt today."
Me:  "He always wears those.  I think somebody needs to tell him that he's not Camillo Villegas.  He does NOT have the physique to be wearing those shirts.
Mrs. SportDork:  "He would really benefit from Spanx."
Me: "What?"
Mrs. SportDork (looking annoyed at my lack of knowledge regarding Spanx):  You know, Spanx.  They hold it all in.  They'd do wonders for that shirt he's wearing.

In case you were wondering, here's what Spanx look like, except not on Phil Mickelson:

The "Hide & Sleek Full BodySuit."  I believe this is what Mrs. SportDork had in mind for Phil.

Let's move to Saturday.

Event: Florida/Kentucky Game
Date: Saturday, September 26, 2009
Time: 8 pm
Location:  SportDork Headquarters
Scene:  Mrs. SportDork and I are watching the UF/UK game when Tim Tebow gets knocked out.  He is helped to the sideline, evaluated for a few minutes, and then put on a cart that begins to take him to the locker room.  Halfway there, he starts throwing up repeatedly into a trash bag. 

Me (with visions of the Gators' season being flushed down the toilet):  "Oh - that can't be good.  Now he's hurling."
Mrs. SportDork (with supreme confidence):  "He'll be fine."
Me (looking surprised):  "How do you know that?"
Mrs. SportDork:  "When I was little, I tripped and fell face first on the sidewalk.  Nailed my forehead.  I threw up all night.  Had to be a concussion."
Me:  "What did the doctor say?"
Mrs. SportDork:  "What doctor?"

And finally ………………………………

Event: Dallas Cowboys/Carolina Panthers Game
Date: Monday, September 28, 2009
Time: 8:30 pm
Location:  SportDork Headquarters
Scene:  Mrs. SportDork and I are watching Dancing With the Stars on the primary set, and I have the game on mute on the secondary set as part of the patented two-set configuration.  In between performances, Mrs. SportDork looks over at the second set as they are showing Wade Phillips on the Cowboys' sideline.

Mrs. SportDork:  "Dude, that guy has man-boobs."
Me:  "Spanx?"
Mrs. SportDork:  "I don’t even think Spanx would help him."

No argument here.

So there you have it - a brief glimpse into the mind of the woman who inspires me to continue my never-ending quest for the obscure in the world of sports. 

(All I know is, I better keep my weight down.  I don't think I'd look very good in Spanx.)