Last week, I promised a lengthy expose on Brandon Spikes' fingers and their dangerous proximity to Washaun Ealey's eyes during the annual Florida-Georgia battle on Halloween.  In case you've been trapped under a large boulder for the last week and a half and just recently managed to free yourself, here's the video of the outrageous, unforgivable act by Spikes that, according to most erudite sports commentators, should have resulted in his permanent banishment to Guantanamo Bay so he can spend his remaining days with other terrorists, contemplating the error of his ways.  (By the way - did you hear that those guys are all going to get the H1N1 vaccine?  According to the Pentagon, "Detainees at JTF Guantanamo are considered to be at higher risk and therefore they will be offered the H1N1 vaccination."  (http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/10/30/guantanamo.h1n1.shots/index.html)  Not sure where to start with that one, but I guess if you're worried about the shortage and want to ensure immediate vaccination for your four-year old, you can always strap some kind of incendiary device to his chest and trot him into his pre-school carrying a note with anti-American rhetoric scribbled on it.  That ought to take care of it.) 


Anyway, where was I?  Oh yeah, in case you missed it, here's a link to a variety of videos of the attempted eye-gouge that definitively establishes that that Brandon Spikes is a criminal, Urban Meyer runs a dirty program, and exposes The University of Florida football program for the evil empire that it is:  http://video.google.com/videosearch?sourceid=navclient&rlz=1T4GGLL_enUS337US337&q=brandon%20spikes%20eye%20gouge&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&hl=en&tab=wv  Seriously - you only have to take one close look at what Urban and UF did in the aftermath of Spikes' finger transgression, and you'll see what I'm talking about.  First, somehow they brainwashed the head of the SEC conference into approving a half-game suspension against Vandy, who we all know they purposely scheduled after Georgia so that when Spikes committed his premeditated torture on Ealey, he wouldn't miss time against a quality opponent.  What kind of institution concocts such a sinister plan?  I was personally outraged that Meyer didn't disregard the SEC's approval of his proposed half-game suspension and make it a two-game suspension - but against South Carolina and Florida State, instead of last week against Vandy.  I know all the pundits and fans who were criticizing Meyer would want their coach to do the same if it happened to their alma mater.  They're just good, unbiased people who want to see a just outcome, right?


But the half-game SHAM suspension wasn't the end of it.  Next, Meyer and UF somehow manage to infiltrate the Georgia athletic compound and use their evil powers to brainwash Ealey into telling reporters, "He [Spikes] shouldn't, I think, get suspended at all."  That was enough evidence to make it clear that Meyer and UF had got to him, but then the true magnitude of their influence was revealed when Ealey said, "I'm pretty sure it goes on back and forth," he said.  "We probably do it and other teams do too. It's all football. We're just out there trying to have fun."  (http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/news/story?id=4619952)


Fortunately, just as I was about to contact the NCAA and demand a full-scale investigation, my attention, as well as the main stream media's, was diverted by a number of other sports stories that sent Eye-Gate to the back of the sports section.  First, the Yankees successfully ended all the "suspense" surrounding the World Series Wednesday night and clinched the title by beating a middle-aged Pedro Martinez and the Phillies for the second time in the Series.  The Yankees, with a payroll equal to the GDP of a developing country, finally figured out a way to win the championship after a six year drought, and apparently that was big news.  I didn't think a team finally meeting expectations was particularly newsworthy, but I guess when you've spent the last six years finding ways to lose with the most talent in Major League Baseball, when you finally pull it together, it's cause for celebration.  By the way - is it just me, or has Major League Baseball turned into our version of England's Premier League?  How does a league that has about four teams that have a legitimate shot at winning a championship because there's no salary cap maintain such a high level of interest?  The concept totally escapes me.  (Please disregard the obvious corollary to NCAA football.  Since I'm a fan of one of the few programs that has a legitimate shot at the title every year, that institution makes perfect sense to me.)


And then on the heels of the World Series, when I came home Thursday night, there it was - the event that would obliterate Brandon Spikes and his wandering digits from the top of the newscast.  I turned on ESPN and witnessed a young lady (to use the term loosely) named Elizabeth Lambert from the University of New Mexico take out BYU players in the women's soccer semifinals of the Mountain West Conference Championship in Provo, Utah like she was Uma Thurman in Kill Bill. 




As I stood staring at the footage, and rewinding my DVR over and over, I could only imagine that Brandon Spikes had the same reaction when he saw the highlights that South Carolina Senator Mark Sanford must have had when he found out that Michael Jackson had died only days after his Argentinian mistress was exposed:

"How did I get so lucky?"

To cap it all off, Andre Agassi emerged from retirement and decided - apparently because retirement was beginning to bore him - that it was important to let us all know that he spent most of 1997 lit up on crystal meth, and Larry Johnson (now formerly of the Kansas City Chiefs) unleashed a few slurs against homosexuals on his Twitter account.  
(http://sports.espn.go.com/sports/tennis/news/story?id=4600027 and http://mashable.com/2009/10/26/larry-johnson-twitter/)

And then on Saturday, Clemson defender Andre Branch not only executed his own eye-gouge on a Florida State player, but took it up a level by yanking the offensive player's head back before inserting his fingers.  Obviously he felt sorry for Brandon and all the attention he received from his attempted eye-gouge and decided he needed to help him out.  Below is the video of "Eye-Gate #2 - Return Of The Fingers".  (Keep an eye on #40 for Clemson (that's Branch) and #79 for FSU.)



I think you will agree that this type of behavior is totally appropriate when the opponent is Florida State.  This kid should probably get a medal.

Fortunately for Brandon Spikes, our mainstream media has the attention span of a two-year old, and is off to expose the next outrage only moments after stirring up the last.  Today, incredibly, only a week after the sporting world was completely consumed with Spikes' dastardly deeds, it's hard to find a single mention of the incident, other than in reference to the more recent (and therefore more reprehensible) attempted eye gouge.  But that's what today's mainstream media does.  They decide what the story is, jump on it, generate outrage, wear it out, and move on.  And what do we do?  We react just the way they want us to.  We get ourselves whipped into a frenzy, go crazy with outrage for a day or two, and then develop complete amnesia when the next story comes along.

Take a minute and consider every story I just mentioned.  They all have one thing in common.  Each one is ultimately about our society's uncanny ability to take great pleasure in watching the media expose and tear people down, become completely outraged, and then develop total amnesia when the next story comes along.  It's a disturbing trend, and a huge waste of energy, but right now, I love it. 

Otherwise, we'd still be talking about some guy named Spikes.