Is There A Problem, Officer?
Sorry, SportDork Nation. I was all fired up to spend a few paragraphs discussing Tiger Woods' alleged affair and car accident (http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/more_sports/2009/11/27/2009-11-27_tiger_crash.html). I had figured out ten different ways to make inappropriate references to the situation - each one incorporating a different one of Tiger's golf clubs - including gems like, "Looks like Tiger's been having trouble keeping the cover on his driver."
I was going to follow up my Tiger Woods stand up routine with a few paragraphs on Notre Dame's firing of Charlie Weiss (http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/news/story?id=4700891). I had a bevy of sarcastic comments regarding their search for a new head coach and their total irrelevance in the college football landscape lined up for your reading pleasure. I was even prepared to include a few obscure references to The Gipper, Knute Rockne, and grave digging. You would have loved it.
Finally, for my grand finale, I had a riotous expose on Bobby Bowden's retirement ready to go, replete with well-timed references to senility, assisted-living facilities and The Scooter Store.
But just when this week's entry was completely sketched out, and for the first time this year I was starting to feel confident about The Gators and their chances in the SEC Championship Game, it happened.
My innocent little trip to GatorSports.com this morning to read the latest Urban Meyer quotes (and get up to speed on a variety of other fascinating Gator football news, such as Tebow's bowel movement schedule for the week) turned into a nightmare when I saw this headline:
UF football star Dunlap charged with DUI
A top University of Florida football player was arrested early Tuesday and charged with DUI.
According to police, Rogers was dispatched to the area to check out reports of a reckless driver in a Chrysler. Rogers said that when he found a car matching the description, it was stopped although the traffic light was green. Rogers said he watched the light cycle through several times but the car remained stopped.
When Rogers approached the 2000 model red Chrysler 300, he said he saw Dunlap alone in the car and apparently asleep while at the wheel.
"The front windows of the defendant's (Dunlap's) vehicle were cracked slightly and officers on the scene were unable to wake the defendant," Rogers wrote in the arrest report. "Loud repetitive commands were given to the defendant who would only open his eyes momentarily and nod back off."
Rogers said he reached in through the slightly opened window to unlock the car and noticed that it was still in gear. After shifting the car into park and turning off the ignition, Rogers and other officers said they noticed that Dunlap's breath smelled of alcohol, his eyes were watery and bloodshot, that he had trouble maintaining his balance and did poorly on field sobriety tests.
Dunlap reportedly refused to submit to a breath test and told Rogers and other officers that he had been at "a gathering" and was headed home. The car is registered in South Carolina, reportedly to Dunlap's father.
I don't know about you, but my favorite part is where he fell asleep, in the driver's seat, at the stoplight, with the car in gear. So awesome.
But let's not jump to conclusions. I'm no expert on human behavior, but it seems pretty clear to me that Carlos was probably exhausted from spending all day Monday thinking about how to stop Alabama's rushing attack this weekend and couldn’t make it home before passing out. Have you ever spent twelve straight hours studying game film of Mark Ingram and Trent Richardson? I bet you'd be tired too. Thank God he didn't agree to a breathalyzer. We all know how unreliable those things are. The last thing we needed was a false positive when the guy was obviously delirious from film study, not alcohol.
Seriously, though - what the h*ll was this guy thinking? Was he concerned that the game would be too much of a mismatch with our defense at full strength? Was he feeling sorry for Mark Ingram and his hip pointer, and decided a DUI would level the playing field? It's four days before the biggest game of his career, and a guy who has been projected as a first round pick in next year's NFL draft, as a Junior, is passed out drunk in his car at three-thirty in the morning. Brilliant.
I actually think Carlos looked around on Monday, realized that for the first time this year the Gators had no outside distractions, and decided he needed to leap into action. Hey - maybe he's on to something. If a team-wide flu, Tebow concussion and Spikes eye-gouge get you to 12-0, what better way to get to 13-0 than with a DUI from your best defensive lineman?
Way to keep the streak alive, Carlos!!
Categories: uncategorized
Tags: DUI Tiger Woods Bobby Bowden Gators Charlie Weiss Carlos Dunlap
Comments