It's the first official entry of 2010, and it's time to deliver coverage of the BCS National Championship Game as only The SportDork can!

7:30 - Pre-game meal.  Pork chop, salad, bourbon and Aleve.  The Aleve is for tomorrow morning.

 

Yes, that's one pork chop.  I need a lot of protein before a big game.  Plus, it's good for you.  It's the other white meat.

7:59 - Last bite of pork chop.

8:01 - I just heard Brent Cheeseburger's voice for the first time.  I think I may throw up my pork chop.  This guy is the new Keith Jackson.  I was so happy when Keith Jackson rode off into the sunset, but I would have cried if I had known that Cheeseburger was going to replace him. 

8:02 - Kirk Herbstreit is so dreamy, isn't he?   He just mentioned the Gators for the first time.  Even though it was in reference to Alabama beating their a*s,  . . . . . Go Gators!!!!

8:03 - Mack Brown interviewed live on the field.  Nick Saban not interviewed - just a guy conveying Saban's comments.  Great illustration of the differences in the two coaches.

8:05 - Pete Carroll on the ESPN set?  I didn't think it could get worse than having Cheeseburger call the game.  Be right back.  Now I'm definitely going to hurl.

8:07 - Lee Corso.  ESPN's Dick Clark.

8:09 - No idea what just happened.  I was busy putting the pork away.  That's right, even in the shadow of the National Championship Game, I couldn't shake leftover duty. 

8:13 - Lou Holtz!!! I think he has extra marbles in his mouth tonight.  Why is Mark May wearing sunglasses?  Who is he, Jay Z? 

8:15 - Pete Carroll just kind of picked Texas to win.  You know what's so sad is that if Urban wasn't on his leave of absence, he'd be in that seat instead of Carroll.  Although he might have hurled when he saw Alabama run out on the field.

8:16 - Texas is totally screwed.  Corso just picked them to win.

8:24 - Cheeseburger embarks on about five minutes of what Mrs. Sportdork likes to refer to as "Lifetime Television for Men," regaling us with tales of Alabama and Texas' storied past. 

8:25 - 'God Bless America.'  Who is Audra McDonald?  I just found out.  Why is an actress from "Private Practice singing God Bless America?  The cats just ran and hid. 

8:27 - Herbstreit is so dreamy, isn't he?

8:28 - Sorry, Mrs. SportDork grabbed the laptop while I was getting another beverage. 

8:29 - Alabama comes out of the tunnel.  Saban looks like he's having a blast, doesn't he?  I've never seen a guy look that miserable going into a National Championship Game.

8:32 - Josh Grobin is singing the national anthem.  Seriously?  Were the Jonas Brothers busy?  And what the hell is Flea from the Chili Peppers doing on stage with him?  I am so confused.  Where are those drums coming from?  Mrs. Sportdork just summed it up.  "It's a circus!"  You know what?  I'm glad the Gators lost to Alabama.  That National Anthem was a travesty. 

8:36 - Keith Jackson is tossing the coin!!! Whoa Nellie!  I swear I had no idea when I wrote that earlier.  Dude - this guy refuses to go away.  You better watch your back, Cheeseburger.  There's no telling when Jackson is going to come back and take your job doing PAC-10 and Big Ten games.  Alright, Jackson - toss the freakin' coin already.  What a blowhard this guy is.  Give him a microphone, and it's all over. 

8:38 - Bama wins the toss and elects to receive.  What's up with that?  Saban really is the new Evil Genius.  Sorry, Steve.

8:40 - Offensive lineup sponsored by Taco Bell.  I could go for a Gordita.  Isn't that the one with the soft tortilla wrapped around the crispy shell?  If it is, then I'm in.

8:42 - Texas doing something Florida couldn't - pressuring McElroy.

8:43 - I'm sorry, I think there were some hallucinogens in the pork.  I could have sworn I just saw Alabama try a fake punt on their first drive from their own twenty yard line.  Where were those play calls in the SEC Championship?

8:46 - Colt McCoy bent over on the sideline.  Beautiful.  That'll make for a good game.

8:47 - During a commercial, Mrs. Sportdork just pointed out an outfit in the latest J. Crew catalogue and said, "See, Honey?  Military is in!" in reference to my new winter coat.  She has such a passion for the game.

8:50 - Colt McCoy is out of the game.  Some freshman named Gilbert (I have no idea what his first name is) is in.  I think he just crapped himself.

8:53 - Texas field goal after having the ball at the 1.  Texas up, 3 - 0.   They'll pay for failing to convert that turnover into a touchdown. 

8:58 - Are you serious?  Another Bama turnover?  On the kickoff?  Where were these guys during the SEC Championship?  We would have loved to have started a couple drives inside their thirty.

8:59 - I've just been shown living room furniture from the latest CB2 catalogue.  I'm not sure what it has to do with Alabama's two turnovers, but I'm confident I'll make the connection.

9:00 - Three Texas plays and another field goal with their backup quarterback still in the game.  They could be up 14 - 0 right now instead of 6 - 0.  Not good for the Longhorns.

9:04 - Ingram rips off an eighteen yard run on second down.  Can't let him get going.

9:07 - Bama forced to punt.  A text comes through to SportDork Headquarters.  "What was the spread?  And don't tell me u are rooting for the SEC."  I have to admit I have no idea on the spread, but the second question brings up an interesting conundrum.  I have spent much time convincing myself that when the game started, I would root for Bama out of my allegiance to the SEC, and I have to say that I started off with a strong commitment to that position.  However, I can't help but notice that every time something bad happens to Alabama, I am overwhelmed with joy, so maybe my commitment to the SEC isn't rock solid.

9:12 - Texas goes three and out (shocking) and punts. 

9:14 - A heavy dose of Ingram.  That's a surprise.

9:21 - Ingram Touchdown.  Bama 7, Texas 6.  Just found out his dad is in jail for bank fraud and money laundering.  I think the take away is supposed to be that he overcame great adversity and I should like him even more now.  Unfortunately, unless his dad was wrongly accused, a felony doesn't really tug at my heart strings.

9:23 - Replays of Ingram winning the Heisman and crying like a baby.  But Tebow's the crier.  I love it.

9:27 - Now Gilbert is on the sideline with what looks to be a shoulder injury.  Welcome to the SEC, Longhorns.  That's how we do it.  Tough to beat us when you're sitting on the bench holding your shoulder because you just got pummeled.

9:41 - Sorry, I lost interest there for a minute when Texas failed to make a first down for the 10th time since McCoy left the game.  Bama just scored with - wait for it - a run up the middle!!  They are so unpredictable.  I don't know if anyone could have seen that one coming.  Bama 14, Texas 6.

9:46 - Boy, if the Texas wideouts could catch the ball, this could turn into a ball game.

9:47 - Too late.  Bama interception. 

9:57 - Texas was pinned deep in its own territory after stopping Bama.  Another three and out, and now Bama has the ball inside the Texas thirty with a couple minutes left in the half.  Anybody ready for the dagger?

10:02 - Bama field goal.  Bama 17, Texas 6. 

10:06 - Fifteen seconds left in the half, and Mack Brown is calling a shovel pass from his own twenty?  What an idiot.  Beautiful call, Texas.  Hand Alabama an extra touchdown right before the half when you could have just run out the clock.  Like you needed more adversity.  That's almost as stupid as running your Heisman-caliber quarterback up the middle on the first series of the game. Oh wait - you already did that.  Bama 24, Texas 6

Halftime

They keep showing replays of the play where McCoy was injured, and I really can't tell what happened other than he got hit by a 300 pound man running very fast.  That kind of thing happens all the time in the SEC.  It's a good thing Colt decided to play in the Big 12, or he would spent his whole career on the sideline.

McSteamy on the halftime promo!!  Mrs. SportDork has regained her focus.

10:38 - I just woke up after dozing off at halftime.  Texas - into Bama territory and showing some life!!

10:41 - Guy runs on field.  ABC refuses to show it from anything closer than a blimp level, but at least something exciting happened.

10:42 - Mrs. SportDork announces she is going to bed.  I guess the guy running on the field was too much for her.

10:53 - I have lost all interest in this game.  Fernando agrees:

11:00 - Bama's QB McElroy is 3 of 5 for 35 yards midway through the THIRD quarter, and Bama is up 24 - 6.  That has to be a record.

11:07 - Dude.  What a stinker of a game.  One team without its quarterback and the other could substitute its quarterback with a machine that hands off. 

11:11 - Ok, so now I have to stay up a little longer because Gilbert found Shipley streaking over the middle for a touchdown.  Bama 24, Texas 13.

11:12 - A Texas on-side kick?  Somebody needs to check on the betting patterns of the Bama guy who stuck his hand out and batted the ball back toward the oncoming Texas players.  Nobody does something like that unless there's big dollars in it for them.  Especially when they have to face the Evil Genius on the sideline afterwards.

11:13 - I like how Jordan Shipley just completely dropped a first down pass, and Herbstreit faulted the Texas QB for a bad pass.  Nice work, Herbie.  You may want to actually look at the replay before you render your verdict.  I've never seen a group of wide receivers do less to help out a guy who needs his teammates to step up.  Catch the ball!!!!!

11:14 - Texas' Malcolm Williams just dropped another pass.  If I made one catch, I would be having a better night than Malcolm Williams.

11:19 - Ingram is out with calf cramps?  Maybe the teams shouldn't have a month off before the championship game.

11:22 - Alabama was 0 for 8 on third down until Cheeseburger just pointed it out, and then they proceeded to convert their first third down.  Thanks, Cheeseburger.

11:23 - Now I'm angry.  McElroy heaves the ball down the field, it's 20 yards short of the receiver, and a zebra calls pass interference on Texas.  What a joke.  That's one of the worst calls I've ever seen.

11:24 - Somebody in the NCAA office obviously has big money on Bama and is giving the refs a cut.  They immediately followed up the worst pass interference call I've seen in years with a 'hands to the face' call on Texas to give Bama another first down.

11:26 - Cheeseburger just pointed out that there is a big discrepancy between penalty yards between Bama and Texas for the year.  No sh*t, Bret!  That's because they're apparently afraid to call a penalty on Bama because Saban might attack them.

11:28 - In spite of the refs' best efforts, Texas manages to stop Bama, and they miss a 52-yard field goal.  I'm surprised the officials didn't rule that the upright was crooked and award Bama the field goal.

11:40 - Is that Colt McCoy back on the field?  If I didn't know any better, I'd think it was.  Apparently it doesn't matter who's throwing it, as long as Jordan Shipley is catching it.  Texas touchdown.  Bama 24, Texas 21.

11:42 - Time to open it up, Nick!  Bama has played the entire second half in shutdown mode, counting on their defense to shut out a Texas team with a freshman quarterback at the helm, but it doesn't look like that’s going to get it done for them.

11:44 - Ingram is back in the game for Bama.  I guess that's the difference between the SEC and the Big 12.  The SEC guys have to be taken off in a stretcher before they're out of the game.

11:45 - Two Ingram runs, and two first downs.

11:48 - The Gators needed Will Muschamp, Texas' Defensive Coordinator, on their sideline for the SEC Championship Game.  Another Texas stop.

11:52 - Texas with the ball on their own fifteen and a chance to tie it up or take the lead if they can take it down the field again.

11:53 - Uh oh.  Someone missed a Bama blitz, and now Bama has the ball on the Texas three.  The only hope for Texas is to hold Bama to a field goal.

11:58 - Third and goal, and who do they give it to?  Yup, Ingram for a touchdown.  Bama 31, Texas 21.  Game over.

12:05 - Another Bama touchdown after an interception.  Two guys who clearly aren't interested in having their scholarships renewed just decided to give Saban a Gatorade shower, and Saban looks like he's ready to kill someone.  The Gatorade shower was followed up by Bama's kicker missing the extra point, and I think Saban's head exploded.  Again, I've never seen someone look so miserable on their way to winning a national championship.  I don't even think he's happy.  He's probably thinking about what they need to do to prepare for their opener next year.  What a miserable existence.

12:11 - Game officially over.

12:13 - Saban is interviewed, and he still doesn't look happy. 

12:19 - Saban is on the trophy platform, and he's still not smiling.  Oh wait - I think I saw him crack a smile when he held up the trophy.  He may be human!!

I'll say this much.  He may be a miserable SOB, but if there was any question about how good a coach Saban is, this should answer it:  he just won the BCS Championship with Greg McElroy at quarterback.  I know there's no way Bama wins this game if McCoy plays, but that doesn't change the fact that Bama managed to go undefeated with Greg McElroy at quarterback - a guy who went 6 of 11 for 58 yards tonight.

Frightening.