Tiger Woods is a genius.  An absolute genius.  I never thought his biggest victory would come off the golf course, but with him taking up residence in a sex-addiction facility, he has both proved me wrong and pulled off one of the greatest hoaxes on the public in recent history.   

The addiction card.  How could I not have seen this coming? 

Only the most calculating, disciplined golfer in the world could come up with such a calculated ploy to restore his image and pave the way for a smooth re-entry to the world of professional golf. 

Sex-addiction.

When I first read it on Tuesday, I couldn't stop laughing.  A guy with more money than God and no apparent moral compass (a dangerous combination) runs around porking everything in sight, and when he finally gets caught he claims sex-addiction?  What a joke.  In fact, that's why it has taken me so long to put together this week's entry.  I've been laughing since Tuesday - and letting this latest turn of events in Tiger-Gate sink in. 

Once I stopped laughing and started seriously considering the implications of Tiger's latest move, I was struck by just how brilliant and calculated it is.  Sure, to The SportDork and to The SportDork Nation, Tiger's sex-addiction clinic stay is as transparent as a sheet of plastic wrap, but what I realized over the last forty-eight hours is that I had forgotten a fundamental tenet that Tiger has not:

Never underestimate the stupidity of the American public.

By playing the addiction card, Tiger has completely changed the dynamic of the story in the public's eyes.  We take pity on addicts.  A guy who cheats on his wife with fifteen different women is a dirt-bag.  That's not a tough one.  But if that same guy simply can't control himself because a group of 'medical professionals' has diagnosed him as a sex-addict?  Maybe he's not such a dirt-bag.  Maybe he's actually a sympathetic figure with a problem that he just can't control.  In fact, maybe he's a victim!  A victim of his addiction, and rather than cast aspersions upon him, we have to sympathize with him - root for him, even, to overcome his 'addiction' and get well.

Yes, Tiger Woods has actually figured out the one way to turn the tables on this entire situation and turn himself, rather than his wife and kids, into the victim.  He's also figured out the only way to insulate himself from ridicule and criticism - by 'medicalizing' his behavior and claiming he's the victim of a terrible disorder.  You just don't make fun of someone who has a medically diagnosed condition, even if the medical condition is one that won't allow him to keep his pants on when surrounded by women other than his wife. 

The addiction card is so great because it immediately allows you to absolve yourself of all responsibility for your actions and turn yourself into a victim instead of the bad guy.  And the best part is that it sells!!  The American public loves the drama of an addiction story.  A man fighting his demons to try and turn his life around in the face of his haunting addiction?  There's nothing better.  And in Tiger's case, there are actually millions and millions of people out there who have been convinced that a man's inability to control himself and stay faithful to his wife is the result of an addiction!  How we ever got to the point in this country where we can take a behavior that is nothing more than a fundamental character and moral issue and turn it into a medical condition is beyond me, but here we are.  Tiger Woods doesn't have a sex-addiction.  He has an infidelity addiction, and there's a fairly simple cure.  It's called divorce. 

You know, now that I think about it, Tiger's probably thanking his lucky stars that he had sex with so many women.  If it had only been one or two, he wouldn't have been able to use the sex-addict card, and he'd just be a culpable loser who cheated on his wife.  He'd have to take responsibility for his actions, own up to the fact that he made bad decisions and showed no character or morals.  That would suck.  But by sleeping with thirteen or fifteen or whatever the real number is, he gets to use the addiction card!  If that doesn't point out the absurdity, I don't know what does.  But I'm sure Tiger Woods is grateful for it.  He's probably sitting up in bed each night at Shady Acres, or whatever it's called, thanking the medical community for inventing sex-addiction, because it's going to save his career.

 

P.S.  I like the Jets + 7.5 (I think the Colts will win but I love that half point) and the Vikings + 4.5 (I'm convinced the Saints are a fraud and that Favre can keep it together for another week) this weekend.  I'm undefeated on Sundays during the playoffs this year, so these are pretty much locks.  You're welcome.