This post has taken a while, primarily because every time I sat down and started to reflect on the slate of college football games last weekend, I got nauseous and threw up in my mouth a little.  How is it possible that it’s 2019 and in the last weekend of September the marquee college football matchup was Ohio State facing a seventeen point underdog in Nebraska? Wow, that’s compelling. At least Ohio State took on a team that should be able to recruit comparable athletes.  Florida spent Saturday beating up on the mighty Towson University. Admit it, you have no idea where Towson University is. I had to Google it just now. I should give out free Sport Dork beer koozies to anyone who can prove they know where Towson is without looking it up. That’s a joke – there are no Sport Dork beer koozies.  Sponsors? Sponsors?  

There was ONE matchup of top 25 schools last weekend.  The schedule of games was so bad that Mrs. Sport Dork and I signed up for a wine stroll on Saturday in 90+ degree heat as a show of solidarity and protest.  Also, she really wanted to go and a stranger told me that my hair looked amazing, so it worked out great for everyone. But that’s not the point. The point is that the college games sucked, and there’s no reason for a bunch of sucky games in the last weekend of September, and I’m angry about it because I don’t have anything to write about other than the games sucking while making subtle references to my great hair.

The NFL did nothing to pick up the slack, either.  With a 17 week season, those guys spend the first two months sleepwalking and don’t wake up until they’re either facing elimination from playoff contention or jockeying for a better playoff seed.  I’ve gotta be honest – I don’t know how pundits like Stephen A. Smith and others muster up the energy to pretend that they actually care about anything that’s happening in the sports world right now.  I watched a few minutes of ESPN’s show First Take this morning and Stephen and Max Kellerman were in the middle of arguing about who’s getting the best of the rap battle between NBA legend Shaquille O’Neal and Damian Lillard, a guard for the Portland Trail Blazers.  This is an actual story that ESPN is not only reporting on, but pundits are weighing in on as though it’s actually sports news. God help us all.

Since this post is rapidly escalating into an old guy rant with a decidedly “Hey kids!  Get off my lawn!!” feel to it, let’s delve into another hot topic. Did you happen to see that California just passed the Fair Pay to Play Act?  For those unfamiliar, the law allows college athletes in California to profit from the use of their name, image and likeness, which the NCAA prohibits.  This may surprise you, but I won’t get into a lengthy diatribe on the merits of the law, other than to say that proponents and critics have really outdone themselves with the hyperbole on this one.  According to supporters, this law will finally liberate college athletes from the oppression they have faced from the NCAA for decades, and according to opponents, this law will destroy college athletics as we know it and in turn rip apart the very fabric of our society.  Wow guys. Way to keep things in perspective. You sure there’s not a middle ground here? Possibly one where we can recognize that college athletes being able to share in the profits generated from their own image is a reasonable proposition, while also recognizing that college athletes sharing in the profits generated from their own image presents some challenges for coaches in managing a team dynamic where one guy is pulling down thousands each week while his teammates are struggling to get by, and for universities in regulating and managing athlete/agent relationships?  Nah, that can’t be right. And what do I know? I’m just an asshole with a blog.

But I swear I don’t want to talk about the merits of the law.  I want to discuss something far more interesting, and perplexing – the signing of the law.  When signing impactful legislation that will impact large groups of people, politicians often seize the opportunity to publicize the signing with an elaborate ceremony, attended by individuals who will be directly impacted by the legislation.  California Governor Gavin Newsom took a slightly different approach. Governor Newsom decided that the best way to usher in this new era of college athletics in California was to appear on an episode of HBO’s ‘The Shop’ and sign the bill while sitting in a barbershop chair next to none other than LeBron James, who as a proponent of the bill was happy to extol all the wonderful benefits of this bill.  I don’t know about you, but I love having a guy who never went to college tell me about how great a bill is for kids who go to college. Next thing you know I’ll be listening to a guy with a GED educate me on the benefits of school choice. And be sure to keep an eye out for next week’s Sport Dork post, where I’ll join the U.S. Secretary of Defense to espouse all of the amazing benefits of a new GI bill and explain how it will impact our soldiers.  I wasn’t actually in the military, but I’m sure if these benefits were available I totally would have considered enlisting.

Is summary, The Sport Dork doesn’t like crappy games in late September, has great hair, and would prefer not to be lectured on subjects of which the speaker doesn’t have first hand knowledge.  He also hates it when people talk about themselves in the third person. So what is he to do with all of this irritation and great hair? I just realized that there’s really only one solution to my complete and utter lack of interest – and maybe at this point it’s moving toward complete and utter disdain – for the college and pro football seasons.  It’s time for the Sport Dork to go back out on the road and get out of the country! The Sport Dork will be broadcasting live from Dublin and Paris over the next week, just as some compelling college and pro football matchups appear on the calendar. But who cares about top tier matchups like Auburn-Florida and Oklahoma-Texas when you can read three thousand words on the difference in flavor profiles between ten and eleven year old Jameson Whiskey and enjoy in depth croissant analysis?